by Paul_Dessert on 2/13/15, 5:18 PM with 41 comments
by MichaelGG on 2/13/15, 8:11 PM
Try getting good clothes. Go to a good store and let the people do their thing. (Or otherwise find some fashion advice).
I did this as an experiment a few years back. Just walked into a place, gave em some cash and said make me look less of a dork. (I usually just wore slacks and a plain tshirt, mostly dark colors, nothing worth noting other than it's lameness and banality.)
The difference was immediate. Night and day. People just noticed and responded better to me, everywhere. It was like this secret power, just putting on a Wardrobe of Charisma +5. It was bizarre.
I haven't kept it up at all, mainly due to lack of need of charisma in general. I've known that dressing up, like wearing a good suit, can be effective in social engineering situations, but I wasn't aware of how powerful just dressing "nice" versus "usable" had just walking around.
I'm sure this is all well-known to most people and you might be shaking your head at the basics of life I am so amazed by, but perhaps someone will find this an interesting anecdote.
Edit: I'd also note that I did what he suggested, too. I look back at my blog and cringe. But I got a fair amount of contacts, book deals (which I never followed through on properly), even respect from strangers on a few occasions, on account of me being active publicly. And back then people linked a lot to random blog posts (maybe they still do) and without any effort, I had a PR6 site which was sorta cool. As a bad career move, I got embarrassed about things and decided I wasn't as good as I thought I was and stopped writing and self-promoting. Traffic and PR went down accordingly.
by justrudd on 2/13/15, 6:24 PM
I'm an introvert. After a particular long week, I'll go into my apartment and only talk to the delivery person that is bringing me my food. I do that because I just have to recharge and don't want to be around people.
But I have zero problems talking to people. I'm usually the loudest person in a design meeting. I am not afraid to make my opinions known. Mostly in person because I like to read people's body language.
Yes. This is just one person's account. But please don't assume introversion == shyness.
by thejaredhooper on 2/13/15, 6:08 PM
I like the idea of using your actual name for usernames, but that could lead to some unnecessary risk if you don't practice proper password security.
The meetups aren't a bad idea, but telling people to "talk to someone" is a bad idea. How about "Listen to someone"? That's much better, especially for introverts.
You're preaching as an extrovert to introverts. Associating yourself with your work, thinking through it, positively engaging those who criticize it while remaining calm - those are ways to get noticed as an introvert. Incorporating what you hear from others - that's how you get noticed. Talking to people and talking, talking, talking... that's how you get noticed for the wrong reasons.
by minikites on 2/13/15, 6:32 PM
> It's easier said than done. The reality is, it stings. You'll question your work. You'll start seeing their point. You just have to realize they are wrong. Chances are, they are an insecure douche and have nothing better to do with their time than belittle other people. They are faceless.
This is much easier for men than women. Women are harassed more online and the harassment is more personal for women than men. Men get their work attacked, women get their identity attacked:
http://www.psmag.com/navigation/health-and-behavior/women-ar...
> According to a 2005 report by the Pew Research Center, which has been tracking the online lives of Americans for more than a decade, women and men have been logging on in equal numbers since 2000, but the vilest communications are still disproportionately lobbed at women. We are more likely to report being stalked and harassed on the Internet—of the 3,787 people who reported harassing incidents from 2000 to 2012 to the volunteer organization Working to Halt Online Abuse, 72.5 percent were female. Sometimes, the abuse can get physical: A Pew survey reported that five percent of women who used the Internet said “something happened online” that led them into “physical danger.” And it starts young: Teenage girls are significantly more likely to be cyberbullied than boys. Just appearing as a woman online, it seems, can be enough to inspire abuse. In 2006, researchers from the University of Maryland set up a bunch of fake online accounts and then dispatched them into chat rooms.
> Accounts with feminine usernames incurred an average of 100 sexually explicit or threatening messages a day. Masculine names received 3.7.
http://time.com/3305466/male-female-harassment-online/
> [W]omen’s harassment is more likely to be gender-based and that has specific, discriminatory harms rooted in our history. The study pointed out that the harassment targeted at men is not because they are men, as is clearly more frequently the case with women. It’s defining because a lot of harassment is an effort to put women, because they are women, back in their “place.”
by serve_yay on 2/13/15, 6:56 PM
by Torgo on 2/13/15, 6:12 PM
Create new accounts. Don't switch your existing accounts. Unless it's Github or something.
by otto_sf on 2/13/15, 8:03 PM
And introverts are generally capable of going through life without being noticed as much as extroverts, and don't feel the need to create divisive clickbait to share like an asshole. That's why we're introverts. It's okay!
by xpose2000 on 2/13/15, 6:52 PM
Is this the wrong way of thinking? I am the only employee. I'm supposed to do what I'm good at, and that's coding... not talking.
Eventually, if my product is good enough, someone has to notice. Right...?
by vinceguidry on 2/13/15, 8:44 PM
by amelius on 2/13/15, 7:38 PM
by davidcaseria on 2/13/15, 6:05 PM
by e7mac on 2/13/15, 5:50 PM