by eytanlevit on 9/27/12, 12:46 PM with 22 comments
by circlefavshape on 9/27/12, 3:05 PM
Don't get me wrong - I've always loved my kids, but the physical and emotional demands they put on you, and the relentlessness of those demands, are impossible to understand from the outside. My youngest was almost two before she slept through a full night, and the constant exhaustion had a profound effect on my relationship with my wife, on our sex life, on my health, on my whole outlook on life.
Children are not experiments, they are actual really real people who will live in your house with you for 18 years or more. You will love them, yes, and hopefully they'll love you, but if you think love circumvents everyday practical difficulties then you've never experienced it.
New parents - please PLEASE don't only listen to stories of how amazing parenthood is, or you may get the shock of your life (as I did)
(FWIW my youngest is 4 now, and I'm probably the happiest I've ever been - but who knows what teenage years will bring)
by fjaved on 9/27/12, 3:41 PM
- Having kids makes you a better communicator generally. It's easy to get frustrated with kids and adults when they don't do what you say. Having kids makes you realize that you need to look at yourself first. Repetition matters. Consistency matters. Being the best example of what you want them to be matters. Having high expectations and then doing your part in helping them get there matters. And so on. The maturity that comes with these realizations make you so much more effective in other ways as a communicator.
- Having kids makes you INCREDIBLY efficient. After I had kids, I decided to be home by 6.30p every day with my mind cleared and ready for my family. Per Parkinson's law ("work expands to fill the time you give it"), I figured any level of success can be had while meeting that constraint, provided you (and your environment--a big factor) prioritize accordingly. So I've become incredibly efficient. Once I made efficiency a priority, I realize that improving my thinking was a necessary step. Among other things, I started meditating as a way to improve mental clarity and the ability to switch efficiently between tasks. It's had a huge impact on my life in ways beyond what I intended. I now do more things than I did before I had kids and wonder what I did with all the time I had before I had kids!
by guylhem on 9/27/12, 5:34 PM
I am concerned that the positive outlook is given and shared ( and commented here on HN) by persons who describe themselves as parents.
Besides the potential biais due to social pressure (not liking kids is socially throwned upon, which might favor expressing a positive opinion and keeping quiet about a negative opinion) I wonder how much of this is about sunk costs?
I mean, when you have a child, it's a sunk cost - you can't get rid of it (putting a child to adoption is also socially throwned upon) or decide it would have been better to do without one, so you try and get the best of it.
[Even considering this, you will have to take care of it for 18 years (legally) and then add financial costs for the child college/university etc.]
Considering most couple stick with a limited number of kids, the marginal return seems to decrease.
But given the social pressure to a) like children and b) do not put children into adoption, maybe we are not just looking at marginal returns, but at what the real decision should be when sunk costs are removed.
The fact, noted by other posters, that kid makes you efficient is at least doubtful. Maybe you will be more efficient for the time spent at work, but if you spend much less time that your "improved" efficiency factor, as most parents seem to like spending time with kids, you are overall less efficient.
by joelhooks on 9/27/12, 2:26 PM
by michelleclsun on 9/27/12, 3:11 PM
I'm curious about your experience running your own early stage startup and raising kids at the same time. (I was also inspired after meeting with Joel to start blogging!)
When did you start YouSites, was it before or after having kids? What was the reason behind that decision? As an entrepreneur and a new parent, what experiences have been most rewarding, and what would you have done differently?
by plehoux on 9/27/12, 2:19 PM
by leke on 9/27/12, 4:55 PM
Isn't that line from Satan, by Orbital?