by nswizzle31 on 5/29/25, 11:57 PM with 662 comments
It started as a Boston-based idea (where I live), but I built it with flexibility in mind so it could scale to other cities if there’s interest. It’s intentionally not on Meetup or Facebook - I wanted something that feels more intentional, with a better UX and less noise.
Right now, I'm in the “see if this resonates with anyone” stage. If this sounds interesting to you and you're in Boston or another city where this type of thing might be needed, drop a comment or shot me an email. I'd love to hear any feedback on the site and ideas on how we can fix the male loneliness epidemic in the work-from-home era.
by keiferski on 5/30/25, 5:06 AM
The interesting thing though is how the solution is always location-agnostic. By that I mean it’s never really about a specific cafe or restaurant or soccer field, it’s always an app or service that organizes people to show up in various places.
I bring this up because if you look at places that had lively social activities a few decades or a century ago, they were almost always a specific place.
The neighborhood cafe where locals can stop by at any time and see other locals. The bar that everyone stops by after work twice a week. These are stationary physical locations that don’t require pre-planning, schedules, apps, or anything else.
by Multicomp on 5/30/25, 12:24 AM
1. You can't ever be real, if you are real, you are likely to be recorded doing something someone somewhere on the largest stage in the world (the public web) that someone will disapprove of, and someone else will raise their own profile by mining your impiety to prove their own concern and moral superiority.
2. Everyone is so mobile and connected online, they never have to break the ice and talk to those around them in the breakroom or geographical space, so all of our social skills have atrophied at best, or were never learned at worst. We know just enough civility to not get in fights, but we don't know how to easily break the ice or become acquaintances.
3. All the people that live in the cities are not close with each other, they didn't grow up together and don't go to church / rotary club / male-only spaces any longer because we are all supposed to pretend to be cool liberated yuppies in a hookup culture. Can't have real ties or any strongly held beliefs, that would make you religious (or worse, Religious on an actual religion), those people are bad. So I'm okay, you're okay, and we all smile. And inside, no real connections are ever made.
Not to mention testosterone levels dropping, schools being geared towards women, always co-ed spaces, and a breakup of younger and older generations because of cultural differences there too...not that the old people are always nice.
by scoofy on 5/30/25, 7:48 AM
I honestly blame residential zoning. The place we would get to know our neighbors was at the corner shop, bar a block away, salon and pizza shop downstairs. All that goes away when you're walking more than a couple blocks to do anything.
by Telemakhos on 5/30/25, 1:52 AM
by fiforpg on 5/30/25, 2:15 AM
Much of the NYT article can be explained away by the Gell-Mann effect. During most of human history it was hard to maintain multiple strong bonds anyway; long distance communication pre-internet was hard too. There are plenty of modern opportunities for finding friends based on interests: conferences, concerts, sports bars etc. How much of this discussion is a moral panic caused by imprecise notions which by definition cannot be described by hard data?
by cjohnson318 on 5/30/25, 6:26 AM
by _zaey on 5/30/25, 11:17 AM
Bouldering provides an open space you can move freely in, with no inherent social hierarchy (no tutors, teachers), just people trying varying difficulties of bouldering routes. If someone can do a route you can’t, just ask them for tips, or if someone can’t do a route you can, ask if they want help, or cheer someone on when they do something difficult.
Bouldering provides lots of easy conversation starters, and as with all social situations, going on your own and showing vulnerability will always be endearing to others.
by solraph on 5/30/25, 3:04 AM
"This is only for white guys in their twenties."
I don't know if that's intentional, but if I was in the location target market, I'd close the tab at that point.
by ojbyrne on 5/30/25, 1:57 AM
by reify on 5/30/25, 7:04 AM
In therapy, For every 10 female clients, you get 1 male client, but most of the time that ratio is much worse.
Here in the UK we have Andy's mans club.
Its a male peer support group.
Its a great place to go.
Groups of men talking about stuff that impacts all men in their daily lives.
A safe, supportive space to talk about problems: Relationships, employment, divorce, debt, family, violence, anger, grief, loss and everything men are not that forthcoming to share.
Setup by the family of a young man who took his own life at 21 years old.
The one I went to had about 60 men turn up every week, they were split into smaller groups.
Men supporting men who have experienced the same shit life throw at you.
by pjerem on 5/30/25, 5:54 AM
For what I feel, boy friends doing whisky and poker night in seemingly high end places, that sounds like a boring cliché. That’s not how I would make friends so this don’t look appealing to me at all. It doesn’t feel like a setting to be natural for me. It feels cold. It’s exactly how I imagine American superficial "friendships" (I know it’s a cliché but it feels reinforced here). I understand it may be more than that but that’s what is advertised.
But maybe that’s just a cultural gap on my side and since the service is US cities only, maybe it’s fitting well there.
It also feels like you exclude half your potential market by being male only. Nowadays, women also have hard time creating relationships.
by frankmatranga on 5/30/25, 1:35 AM
by allears on 5/30/25, 12:43 AM
Here's the thing -- by making it a 'club', and making prospective 'members' pass muster, you're just replicating HR at a big corporation. Friendship isn't so much about matching activities and interests as it is about finding someone whose sense of humor matches yours, or going through the same experience together. No matter how lonely I was, I would never audition for a 'club'. I'd much rather meet someone by just doing the activities I like, and noticing who else is around.
by listenallyall on 5/30/25, 4:50 AM
by KolibriFly on 5/30/25, 7:15 AM
by ALittleLight on 5/30/25, 1:47 AM
by jaitaiwan on 5/30/25, 1:54 AM
by 0xEF on 5/30/25, 11:00 AM
by nkotov on 5/30/25, 1:30 PM
by jonfromsf on 5/30/25, 6:08 AM
by ecshafer on 5/30/25, 1:48 AM
by b3ing on 5/30/25, 2:14 AM
by os2warpman on 5/30/25, 4:11 AM
It was particularly difficult for me because I had been in the Army for 10 years and was used to having many male friends I was extremely close with.
All I was doing on the weekends was sitting on the couch and I hate sitting on the couch.
I decided to fight it by focusing on three aspects of my personality and finding activities that suited them.
First was my nerdy side and for that I joined my local amateur radio and astronomy clubs. The amateur radio club is all old guys, but there's nothing wrong with that-- I'm on my way there too. But there is field day, volunteer opportunities, and monthly talks. Same for the astronomy club but slightly younger. You don't even need an expensive radio or telescope, or radio telescope. A pair of binoculars and a cheap handheld radio will get you started. My astronomy club is focused on astrophotography. I will never dive into that nightmare of cost but I have purchased a star tracker and learned to take deep sky photos with a DSLR. Also, if you want 20 different opinions on how to do something, tell an amateur radio club about your plan to do something-- sometimes their input is useful. Sometimes.
Time commitment: one day per month per club and the occasional volunteer event. Financial commitment: if you have self control, minimal.
Next was my desire for mental and physical fitness and for that I, a hairy sweaty middle-aged man who couldn't touch his toes, joined a yoga studio and started going regularly. There aren't a lot of men who go to yoga but they do exist and after a couple of months we started to get to know each other. Now every single Sunday after Yin we go get coffee. We are all into scuba so we go on an annual retreat each year to somewhere with yoga and good diving sites. The teachers think it's adorable, our little yoga men's club. Now I can touch my toes. And do a headstand. edit: and I don't know if it is a quirk of my area but every dude who is in to yoga is also, apparently, in to clay pigeon shooting as well so we do that too.
Time commitment: six hours per week, plus retreats. Financial commitment: large.
Finally was my desire to serve my community. This led me to joining my local volunteer fire company, going through EMT training, and going through the firefighter training pipeline, doing driver and pump operator training, and this fall I'm starting the officer pipeline. Now I staff the ambulance, do CPR training for the community, do a shift on the engine a couple of times per month, am on the board, and MOST IMPORTANTLY drive the engine in every single parade I can. The only reason I am up so late on a Thursday is that this evening was forcible entry training so I'm still amped up a little from hammering on the door training prop for three hours.
Time commitment: don't ask, it's practically a second job. Financial commitment: none, volunteers in my area get property and income tax credits and all training and gear is free.
I don't need to do all three, any single one of these would be fulfilling enough to make me happy-- but my kids are grown and gone and I've decided that working myself to death isn't worth it so I have the time.
Now instead of sitting on the couch all weekend doing nothing I have to specifically schedule weekends and tell people to leave me alone so I can sit on the couch all weekend and relax.
And if I need help moving that couch there is no shortage of volunteers.
Your personality is different but I guarantee, no matter where you live or what you're in to, there is some group somewhere that is looking for you.
by abhisek on 5/30/25, 4:19 AM
by noddingham on 5/30/25, 1:49 AM
>I've let many of my most meaningful friendships fade.
At least you acknowledge that part and aren't bitter at your friends that it is somehow their fault.
>but it doesn't feel like when I was in college and hung out with a crew of 10+ people on a weekly basis
And it won't, ever again. They'll get married, move away, have kids, whatever. Just like if you played a sport in high school, or were in the band, that same group of people will never be together doing that same activity again after the last time.
>curated events and meaningful connections for men who don’t want their friendships to atrophy post-college
Except you acknowledge above your role in the "atrophying" and while you can say you didn't/don't want that to happen, you still allowed it to didn't you?
>The goal is to get people in the same place on a consistent basis.
Isn't that called the gym, the range, the golf course, softball/kickball/pickle ball team, bar, etc? I've struggled (still?) with exactly this thing as well and don't have any good advice. I will say it feels related to the notion of wanting to have a significant other but never leaving the house, you gotta put the effort in. On the bright side I read an article about a couple that missed neighborhood connections so started having coffee on their porch on Saturday mornings (or some consistent day of the week) and eventually neighbors walking by started saying hello, then stopping to chat, then bringing their own coffee, and then it became this whole neighborhood thing. So I guess I'm saying don't lose hope that you can't change things in your situation.
by cogogo on 5/30/25, 11:10 AM
by pconte on 5/30/25, 2:12 AM
by kebokyo on 5/30/25, 3:15 AM
Also if I don’t hear a single MTG Commander game come out of this project we have all failed as a species.
by billy99k on 5/30/25, 2:19 AM
I'm in my 40s and in my 20s (shortly after college), I created a meetup group and regularly met with a group of 10-12 people weekly (parties, hangouts, dinner, activities).
We are all married now (some with kids) and now meet once/month and the meetup group disbanded before covid. As I've gotten older, I realized that some friends don't make it to a new phase of life. Sometimes because it was a friendship of proximity (like a neighbor or co-worker) and other times because you are doing something different with your life.
by smitty1e on 5/30/25, 2:12 AM
We're working through R. Kent Hughes "Disciplines of a Godly Man". https://a.co/d/7jeAATr
by 1123581321 on 5/30/25, 3:50 AM
Male friendships are valuable. I either walk and get coffee, or we make breakfast every week. It started as three guys and averages 6-8 now, and some of our kids have become best friends. We also do a book club and some less frequent full family events.
by susiecambria on 5/30/25, 11:26 PM
I DO think social isolation, white boys and men in the US (and elsewhere? I have no idea), and voluntarism have confronted challenges for years. Robert Putnam's Bowling Alone that came out in 2000, the Do Good Institute report on voluntarism (https://dogood.umd.edu/sites/default/files/2019-07/Where%20A...) and the recent work of Scott Galloway and friends on boys are examples of investigations of problems, challenges, and solutions.
Having been in the public policy world for 20+ years, government may be part of the solution (okay, not in this climate). But more often, it is part of the problem. Government is fickle about consistent and long term funding and evaluation and nonprofit organizations may not actually do work in a way that helps (meaning, is effective).
Individuals and communities often step up to do something, often anything, that may address a need. Participation and reach may wax and wain and I think that's ok. It really is the nature of the beast. Best case, an effort fades away and there is already another underway or standing in the wings.
The bottom line for me is that efforts are made. As a policy wonk and social worker, I'd very much like for efforts to be grounded in some sort of theory of change or best practice or something. But since I'm not a funder or a wielder of power, I don't get to make this decision.
by matty22 on 5/30/25, 5:57 PM
I think technology is antithetical to the goal you are working toward. Instead, start a local group and have a "all cellphones go here" basket when members enter so that when they are there, they are fully engaged and not doom scrolling the entire time.
by benchloftbrunch on 5/30/25, 2:32 AM
I very much agree with this being its own thing independent of Big Social Media. We need more of that. Too many of these types of things have the flaw that their only online presence is a Facebook group, which implicitly excludes me and anyone else who doesn't have nor want a FB account.
by amir734jj on 5/30/25, 4:50 AM
by informal007 on 5/30/25, 2:09 AM
On the other hand, some people are shamed to admit this point, as a result, joining this kind of club will make them look more shamed. It's just nature of humanity.
I think there should be a better idea for the second type of people.
by renewiltord on 5/30/25, 6:01 AM
And my apartment building is home to some 500 people, all of whom are quite normal. People borrow a spoon of yogurt or a USB cable, or ask for a jump start, or help with plumbing. It all feels very normal and about the right scale of human interaction. Considering all that, and that people generally report happiness, and that these things come and go without success we must conclude the whole thing is illusory like so many other Complaints About The Modern World.
by smaudet on 5/30/25, 6:43 AM
Signed up, but despite asking if I lived in one of three cities and selecting "other", it seemed to stick me in some event without a location?
There could be room for another app, e.g. Meetup has gotten particularly money hungry. If this is just a prototype I guess good luck!
by nprateem on 5/30/25, 3:46 AM
I don't know what you hope to achieve with such a limited set of answers.
by nye2k on 5/30/25, 9:53 AM
Boy Scouts, DeMolay and other boys youth orgs got their start in the 1910’s, joined by young men without fathers who were lonely due to their life situations. Many just need someone to take their hand and show them how to break the ice.
by bradlys on 5/30/25, 4:14 AM
I’m in my mid-30s, relatively successful, educated, friendly, outgoing, and so on. When I think of many men in my life, I am there for them emotionally and mentally. I’ve been there when times were good and bad.
But, I have no interest in this even a little. If I wanted more male friends, it’d be trivial. I workout all the time and there’s tons of dudes from my gym who want to go out practically every night (currently live in nyc). There’s an extreme amount of men in my hobbies who are looking for new close friends. I’ve been invited to numerous outings and so on.
Yet, this is where I wouldn’t be a good fit, I cannot be bothered because I just want a family and I’ve been deeply single for four years without any hope of a relationship. For me, the loneliness epidemic is more to do with how deeply single I am and how little women want to love me. That’s my whole concern. I moved to nyc just to be able to run into women because I had no ability to do that back in SF. My friends in nyc try to invite me to shit all the time but I refuse because it’s just gonna be men hanging out and I don’t care. I’ve even gone as far as not working for three years and I just turned down an offer to work at Meta today because I don’t want to become an incel like half of the men in the tech world back in SF are. I’ve given up so much money over these last few years all just so that I could focus on my own startup - having a family. Failed miserably at it too like most founders but still trying.
by nathias on 5/30/25, 8:00 AM
by anal_reactor on 5/30/25, 7:21 AM
Simply imagine a species of animals that are social, but then apply evolutionary pressure to convert them into solitary ones. This is what we're experiencing now as a humanity.
Another comparison is the obesity epidemic. It just filters out people who are unable to control their appetite.
by Tasboo on 5/30/25, 2:06 AM
by genezeta on 5/30/25, 7:38 AM
I'm also the person a lot of old - and not-that-old - ladies will suddenly speak to at the bus stop. The weather, the waiting time, or whatever other subject that comes up. Again, I don't know why me.
There's also other situations lone strangers -shopping, the park, whatever- will start talking to me. I do try to pet dogs sometimes and that sometimes leads to people talking to me but I'd say that's less surprising so it doesn't count. Once, years ago, a guy just greeted me when coming out from the subway and I was a bit confused because I didn't recognise him. So I asked and he told me that no, we hadn't met; we just passed each other sometimes when going in/out of the subway so he thought it would be nice to greet me. I smiled and appreciated the gesture. After that sometimes we would greet or at least nod. It didn't go further than that and after a while our schedules probably shifted a bit but it was a nice thing. Strangers you see routinely. It seems polite to greet them. And nice, a gentle gesture.
My impression is that there are many, and many of them crave just being able to talk to someone for a little while. Sometimes, particularly older ones, mainly ramble almost uncontrollably. They need to talk. In a way it used to break my heart seeing that. Now I don't think much about it, it's ok; I just talk for a few minutes and smile, because smiling is nice and they smile back and it's warm.
I don't initiate such conversations but I reckon I may somehow propitiate them by looking or nodding/greeting politely or something. Maybe it's that. But I've never been an extrovert and often I'm wearing headphones and have to take them off when they start because I didn't hear them at first. So, it's not like I'm particularly approachable, I'd say. Not handsome but neither ugly -I hope-. For a while I was a bit overweight. Now I'm clearly underweight but I don't think it shows so much that anyone would think I'm sick or dying or anything. I dress quite normal, have an about 1-1.5 inch beard, and in general I'd say nothing in my appearance particularly says "talk to me". But people often do. shrug
In any case it feels nice seeing those people smile for a while. Particularly those older people that tell you about some mundane stuff that means a bit to them. Sometimes their stories carry the implications of some children or grandchildren they don't see too often and miss. Sometimes it's much more personal, health issues or other problems; and it still surprises me a bit how candid people can be with personal stuff. Other times it's just literally whatever, small things in their lives like the groceries they just bought or are going for or really anything. There was this nice old lady I used to see catch the bus to avoid a sloping street. She repeated often the same story about how she was going for bread and "if I see the bus approaching I take it" because the slope often left her quite tired. Once I noticed she'd fallen and bruised her face. She was fine, she said, but it feels nice that someone notices when something happens to you. I rarely go to that bus stop any more, since I now try to walk as much as possible, so I haven't seen her in more than a year. But she was from the neighbourhood so I may pass by her one of these days. Maybe.
I know this may not mean much in their lives but I think it's a nice thing. It may brighten their day even just for a few minutes. Or maybe I'm one of the few people at all they talk to that day. Who knows. It may make a difference. Most probably not, but anyway...
by norir on 5/30/25, 5:07 PM
by nerder92 on 5/30/25, 5:29 PM
I've sent you an email to have a chat and share some ideas!
by ashoeafoot on 5/31/25, 7:55 AM
by nsonha on 5/31/25, 12:17 AM
by Esophagus4 on 5/30/25, 11:59 AM
I’d much rather make friends where I can just show up and have a nice time with someone based on a shared interest (like my local cycling club, where I’ve met a few folks I hang out with regularly… or even social dance clubs for those into ballroom or Latin dance). Meetups are obviously too transient, so I join clubs with consistent regular attendees.
But maybe there are people this program will resonate with. Obviously, exclusive invite-only clubs like fraternities and country clubs are popular and I know many who joined, and even met life long friends there.
…I guess, just not me. I probably have some weird outsider-exclusion-from-popular-kid-club complex that is well beyond the scope of this comment :)
The same reason I won’t show up with a navy blazer to a yacht club social event to beg sponsorship from some commercial real estate agent with a chip on his shoulder because he has a quarter-zip polo from the club store and a member number like S29 he can use at the bar.
That being said, good luck with the company, I hope it is successful and you meet a lot of great people.
by m_kos on 5/31/25, 9:07 AM
by maerF0x0 on 5/30/25, 12:26 PM
by throwaway81523 on 5/30/25, 2:03 AM
by sfmz on 5/30/25, 3:46 PM
by Animats on 5/30/25, 5:58 AM
Stanford never got into this. Stanford's alumni association is mostly a front for the "development office", the alumni donation extraction operation.
Silicon Valley had the Capital Club in San Jose (closed). There's something called the Alexandria in San Carlos, which has a restaurant and a gym.[2] Cafe Borrone in Menlo Park is a hangout of sorts, and it's next to the British Bankers Club, which used to be a pub but upgraded to a fancy restaurant.
There's happy hour at the Sand Hill Sundeck, at 3000 Sand Hill Road.[3]
There's Hacker Dojo [4] But after two moves and COVID, it's a shadow of what it once was.
Those are places you go to make deals, or at least talk to people who do deals.
[2] https://www.invitedclubs.com/clubs/the-alexandria-san-carlos...
by cultofmetatron on 5/30/25, 8:10 AM
by ramoz on 5/30/25, 2:15 AM
by zug_zug on 5/30/25, 2:11 AM
I'm may not be the target audience if this is recently post-college, but the thing that strikes me is these activities feel a bit performatively male.
I guess my hot-take is there are certain things that people genuinely love (e.g. improv, dnd, video games, rock-climbing) perception be damned, and there are certain things that people do because they are socially acceptable stereotypes for males: drink craft beer, whiskey, poker, grilling, sports? And that it's about 20x easier to make real friends from the former than the latter.
My experience has always been if somebody says "Come over for poker night," it's gonna be much more awkward than if somebody says "Come over because I'm gonna play video games on the couch and smoke a joint and it'd be fun to have somebody to chat with while I do that." [I'd be curious to hear where other people fall on that topic]
Anyways, not to discourage your current tack, nor even say you should do a blunts and video-games event, but I just think some of the activities on the website seem branded to a very narrow type of guy (business majors? for lack of a better stereotype)
by undisclosedUser on 5/30/25, 2:33 AM
by xkcd1963 on 5/30/25, 5:47 AM
by nanna on 5/30/25, 11:32 AM
by redtaperat on 5/30/25, 5:26 PM
FTFY. Gay men have many more community options. Not sure why, but we just do togetherness inherently.
Glad to see this though. It can only be solved by the people in the epidemic but it only takes the effort of a handful of organizers in the community/town/city to jumpstart events and hit critical mass. I’ve organized things on meetup and it takes persistence. Good luck!
by solarized on 5/30/25, 3:56 AM
by seydor on 5/30/25, 5:41 AM
by openplatypus on 5/30/25, 7:23 AM
You are solving a non-existent problem.
There is no "male loneliness epidemic". If anything, there might be a "human loneliness epidemic". This is not a DEI angle on the problem.
Times have changed, societies have changed. But our expectations have not.
It is literally time to grow up to the new reality.
I think Professor Galloway, whom I am generally a fan of, is spreading a narrative based on selective statistics.
by throwanem on 5/30/25, 2:05 AM
I hate to have to be the one to say it, but speaking from my mid-forties, what you are experiencing is called "entering your 30s." If you try to sell "fix loneliness" to a "not committed yet to growing TF up" market you're cooked.
Ironically, I'm probably pretty close to who you think you want to hear from and speak to. But you can't justify my time and wouldn't hear me in any case. Find something else to sell and someone else to sell to.