from Hacker News

Barlow's Principles of Adult Behaviour

by josht on 4/26/25, 5:58 PM with 50 comments

by delichon on 4/26/25, 8:29 PM
I met JPB briefly once, after he spoke at a San Francisco tech conference in the mid '90s. He was a particularly charismatic man.
We were so hyped up about the internet in those days. He predicted that we were witnesses of the extinction of the authoritarian state at the hands of the people armed with this new tool. But were also locked in the closet with a dying dinosaur, and that's not a safe place to be.
Thirty years later the dinosaur still looks uncomfortably healthy to me, but the closet is still shrinking.
by StefanBatory on 4/26/25, 7:44 PM
"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
by Max Ehrmann ©1927
by Swizec on 4/26/25, 7:13 PM
> 15. Avoid the pursuit of happiness. Seek to define your mission and pursue that
Well put. Happiness is a byproduct not a goal. Lack of happiness can be a signal to change things up.
by lucianbr on 4/26/25, 7:23 PM
I wonder about the "never lie" bit. Any kind of negotiation comes to mind, where it might be best to not show your hand completely. You might be negotiating for your family, for your business, for your country even. Is it ok to accept a worse result in the name of honesty as a principle?
Sure the world might be a better place if everyone told the truth always. But this is advice for this world, not a hypothetical one.

by dartharva on 4/26/25, 7:08 PM

I'd love to go through similar lists this site's users have made or found, which they swear by and which they would highly recommend to their younger selves.

Here is something I have started (WIP):

    You move from rigid linearity (that the world projects) to fluid experimentation.
    1. From your reptilian instinct (Response 1, i.e. fear and other emotional reactions) against change and situations, move to awareness and excitement (Response 2, witness and deliberate action). Free yourself from the need to control the outcome, focus on the play. Be curious and imaginative!
    2. Fixed ladders wrong, Growth loops right. There are no fixed objectives and no set paths. Everything is in the present, and all goals are mutable. Live and grow with active observation, don't try to be a cautious zombie. It is not in your nature.
    3. Focus on outcomes wrong, Focus on processes right. Progress is incremental experimentation. Directions get revealed and success unfolds as we move. Don't try to be perfect (you don't even know what that is) at any stage. Just do.

by didgetmaster on 4/26/25, 7:34 PM
A corralary to number 5 might be: 'don't pretend that something is out of your control, when that is really not the case'.
by winwang on 4/26/25, 7:19 PM
In case it's slow to load for others: https://web.archive.org/web/20250426185806/https://www.mail-...
I don't quite fully agree with these, but I agree with the general spirit.
by ivape on 4/26/25, 7:30 PM
This will get down voted, but a lot of this is mostly cliff notes from things like Sermon on the Mount. We are mostly godless here on HN, so I suppose the message has to be carried via agnostic vehicles.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%205-7&v...
It's all kind of in there, here's a piece I like:
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
by dissent on 4/27/25, 2:36 AM
Point #2: Say nothing behind another's back you'd be unwilling to say, in exactly the same tone and language, to his face.
This has essentially been shut down in the modern corporate workplace, at least in the Anglosphere. The overpolite "be nice, be respectful" culture punishes anything that can be construed as "not nice", forcing it to go unsaid or at least pushing it underground. We talk in code and euphemisms about these things. You are justified in avoiding any kind of negativity entirely to protect your income. The net result is everybody loses a little.
by 0xbadc0de5 on 4/26/25, 6:50 PM
It's a good list. As I grow older, I find myself adopting similar standards for myself that would have seemed strange to a younger version of myself.
by jayd16 on 4/26/25, 9:25 PM
> 6. Expect no more of anyone than you yourself can deliver.
This one probably requires the most nuance. Certainly in your adult life you need to allow yourself to delegate to others and trust that others are better than you at certain things.
From an emotional standpoint its good advice. You shouldn't expect to get more than you give from a relationship, etc.
by some_furry on 4/26/25, 8:12 PM
The Hug of Death strikes again!
Here's an archive link:
https://web.archive.org/web/20110209100703/https://www.mail-...
by Fricken on 4/26/25, 7:10 PM
In Canada we keep it simple. You have to reach 18 years of age and then all your behaviour is adult behaviour from that point forward. There's nothing else to it.
by throwanem on 4/26/25, 7:31 PM
At last, something of quality such as to redeem what I assume was his far prior, and exactly as effectual as ignorant and silly, "Declaration."
by EarlKing on 4/26/25, 9:14 PM
This seems to overlap quite strongly with a certain Code of Ethics[1] that people were up in arms about not too long ago...
[1] https://www.sqlite.org/codeofethics.html
by throwaway2503 on 4/26/25, 6:45 PM
I'm curious what it means to give up blood sports
by analognoise on 4/26/25, 7:53 PM
> Never lie to anyone for any reason. This always makes me think of: “Are there Jews hiding nearby?” “Why yes, I’ve been hiding them for a long time, but nobody had thought to ask. I’m sorry to give them up but I cannot lie.”