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Ask HN: What to do when long term relationship breaks down, and alone?

by purple-leafy on 1/25/25, 7:31 AM with 7 comments

As title. Long term (7years with partner) relationship just ended tonight. I was surprised, it wasn’t what I wanted but can’t change peoples minds. She took our dog too (1 year).

I don’t have many friends, just got diagnosed with ADHD, and just finished week 1 of a new job.

How best can I approach this?

  • by poobear22 on 1/25/25, 8:03 AM

    That is a long time. Sorry. This will take some work reprogramming yourself. It is time for some new habits. Suggest documenting your steps so you do not drift back into those old habits.

    Exercise. Get a little better definition on you. Food. Start a healthy diet. Learn to cook if you have too. Cutout fast food. No alcohol. No sugary drinks. Sardines on Toast. Do some single road trips! Social events: Hiking clubs, volunteer to help the homeless, Toastmasters Public Speaking is great (find the right club however) When you have some vacation, take a week trip to Canada, Europe, of somewhere wild in the US.

    I look back at the time I was "dumped" and I wish I had spent the time on more fitness activities and more solo trips.

    But really appreciate the free time you now have.

  • by aurareturn on 1/25/25, 7:44 AM

    The best way I found: have a self-improvement mentality. Improve yourself. Work on your body. Your health. Eat a really good diet. Lift heavy weights. Do some running. Join a club. Learn something new.

    When you improve yourself, you become more attractive and you feel better about yourself.

  • by maybe_advice on 1/25/25, 7:48 AM

    Sorry you're going through this :( I will be in a similar situation myself, planning on burrying myself in some pet projects combined with going out to venues with lots of people (and I dont usually do the social thing) such as concerts or shows. Skip the bar scene to avoid hitting the sauce out of depression, and maybe enjoy some music and just smile at everyone (even when you dont feel like smiling). Research suggests that the physical act of smiling can elevate your mood. Good luck, you got this!

  • by iJohnDoe on 1/26/25, 3:27 AM

    Stay busy doing healthy things. It’s mentally healthy and passes the time. It will also increase your chances of meeting new people and keeping your life moving in a positive direction.

    Also, do you want your ex thinking you’re sitting at home and depressed? Instead get out there and use this as an opportunity to start your next chapter!

  • by austin-cheney on 1/25/25, 7:43 AM

    You have new time flexibility you have not enjoyed for years. Do with it as you will to do that which you could not before.

  • by myst on 1/25/25, 7:46 AM

    Do sports.