from Hacker News

Choosing solitude

by robg on 10/12/24, 1:33 PM with 84 comments

  • by ObiWanFrijoles on 10/12/24, 2:54 PM

  • by jmbwell on 10/12/24, 4:28 PM

    Alone time I find quite valuable.

    Every now and then I find myself with a day or two by myself, having no expectations, nobody to have to coordinate with, nowhere to be at a particular time. It’s incredibly resetting.

    I know it’s valuable because when I can pull it off, I feel like I’m stealing something.

  • by nuancebydefault on 10/12/24, 8:23 PM

    For some reason, after being own my own for a few days, I start to feel sorry for myself, feel nostalgic and don't take very well care of self anymore. So I'm super lucky, privileged for not being alone.

  • by randcraw on 10/12/24, 5:58 PM

    Interesting theory. The notion that some expressions of personality are obstructed by social 'noise' and thus benefit from solitude makes a lot of sense. By their reckoning, solitude is positive, voluntary and purposeful, the means to a desired end. In contrast, loneliness is negative, involuntary, a response to the loss of several sources of social support.

    The OP (and others) suggest solitude's desiderata to be: 1) pursuit of a personal passion, and 2) disinterest in affirmation (or criticism) from others, 3) the belief that this journey will be preferable when taken alone.

    Do the terms introvert and extrovert capture such personality quirks usefully? And are solitude and loneliness synonymous? I've long thought not.

    As I understand the terms (informally), introverts are drained of energy when in a group while extroverts gain energy. But by that definition, loneliness should arise only when extroverts go it alone. Introverts should be immune. But not so, so there must be more to the story.

    The best work I've read on the complexities of introversion and the merits of solitude is Susan Cain's marvelous book, "Quiet". As I recall, it confirms the OP's thesis.

  • by langsoul-com on 10/13/24, 2:20 AM

    The line between solitude and loniness is time and choice.

    In all their examples, those people choose to be alone for a period of time. But could easily choose not to. Also the time alone is limited.

    Though, loniness can happen with other people, not having anyone at all is a very lonely feeling. I remember seeing videos of people saying they have no friends and start breaking down in tears.

    As I age and past friendships fade away, without any new ones due to my personality, habits, I wonder how long until that'd be me.

  • by synthoidzeta on 10/12/24, 5:10 PM

  • by famahar on 10/13/24, 8:40 AM

    Solitude is a big mind reset for me. So many of my most creative ideas come from my extremely long walks across Tokyo. I try to do these 10 - 20 hour walks a few times a year. My next one is next week. From west Tokyo to Chiba. It's becoming a kind of creative pilgrimage for me. No phone. Just a compass and my feet. Every hour I also do a creative exercise to help me connect with myself.

  • by wklm on 10/12/24, 4:14 PM

    I'm wondering if it works the same way if the solitude is choosing you.