from Hacker News

Why Dating Apps Don't Work Well

by taigeair on 7/17/24, 2:41 PM with 27 comments

• by brokenalgo on 7/17/24, 2:56 PM

  Because they are designed to make finding/matching people impossible.

  Match group should be torched to the ground with their exec team tied up inside.

• by sfmz on 7/17/24, 3:00 PM

  My dating app idea is this: Men can only message 1 woman per day, but they get 1 more message coupon if they microblog about their day based on the premise that women are more interested in how men operate in the world than just good looks. If women don't respond after like 40 messages, then boot them off the platform because they are just using it for an ego boost with no intention of dating.

• by 93po on 7/17/24, 3:29 PM

  Dating apps have problems for the businesses that own them or try to make them, but they still overall make a lot of money when you get it right. And the user experience, while full of annoying money grabs, is honestly perfectly functional if you're attractive and present yourself well to the people you want to attract. If you don't, that's not really a problem with the app, it's just a problem with not liking your dating experience.

  I don't think you can claim they don't work well when the number one way people meet these days is via apps.

• by PaulHoule on 7/17/24, 3:16 PM

  I've been thinking about "dating" services that revolve around structured activities, pretty obviously chatting on OkCupid is for the birds but you'd imagine you could put people through activities that would build intimacy. I am thinking about things like Aron's 36 questions but this camping idea sounds great.

  I recently had a "meet cute" with someone on the bus that was out of the blue, the next time we rode it was kindof awkward: after something like that for instance you might not want to sit right next to them because it would be too close.

  The day after that she brought along a close friend and we hung out in a group and that's what happens most mornings, it is a no-stress way to hang out that doesn't put any pressure on me to be smart or funny or smooth or not put my foot on my mouth. When we ride back we often end up sitting in adjacent seats and talking just a little if at all but I really relish that because I get to enjoy her presence without the pressure that I need to do or be anything.

  I can't imagine that we're not going to go on a "date" someday because clearly the attraction is there and we have shared interests to explore. I do know though by the time it happens we are going to actually know quite a bit about each other and already had quite a bit of closeness so if my heart is pounding it's not going to be out of anxiety.

  I don't know if this method is repeatable or scalable but I think it's the right idea. I remember hanging out with friends in college and some couples would break out of the group and it seems we're somewhat deliberately recreating that experience for people who are a bit further along in life.

• by brap on 7/17/24, 3:29 PM

  I keep reading about how dating apps don’t work, but at least from my own personal experience and from my friends’ experience, they work very well.

  The key, I think, is to

  1. live in a big city with lots of single people your age

  2. pay (if you’re a guy)

  I don’t consider myself anything special, but following these 2 steps I literally had more dates than I could handle (with women I actually wanted to meet). 3 of those ended up being long term 1y+ relationships.

• by KenArrari on 7/17/24, 3:36 PM

  I think it's interesting that there were websites like e-harmony that promised to match people based on personality tests but in the age of increasing ML/data-analytics/etc there hasn't been a bigger push to return to that, instead all match-making apps have converged on swiping on pictures.

• by tgma on 7/17/24, 4:25 PM

  The title is misleading. The article is not that dating apps don’t work well (they clearly work if you look at the stats for relationships). It’s that they haven’t cracked how to make dating apps be a good business for them.

• by chiefalchemist on 7/17/24, 2:47 PM

  Not to lead off sounding sour, but did I just read that they want strangers to book travel / adventures together? In hopes of maybe eventually dating? Provided half of the pair isn't a psychopath and kills the other? :)

  Feels like a big ask.