by michalu on 2/27/24, 11:16 AM with 269 comments
E.g. I found I'm great at analysis or putting together elaborate argument but if I'm in a situation where I need to make a quick decision or get in actual argument I lose all of that capacity and usually drop to the level of IQ 85 if I/m to be judged by the outcomes. Nevertheless a slow thinker does have that potential there he's jut not able to tap into it if he falls into my category. In martial arts, rehearsing overcomes a lot of that - what has worked in real life for you?
by dijit on 2/28/24, 11:51 AM
I'll do my best to make a high-signal comment here, but it will be drowned by all the other replies, which also likely touch on these points.
First, "slow-thinking" is really just a different way of expressing your thinking and you should begin by leaning into it rather than leaning away. Take time, allow yourself to pause to collect your thoughts. People often interpret quietness (not filler) as intelligence and maturity (because usually it is). Alternatively not answering is also valid.
Second, as a person who is generally regarded as quick-witted and sharp, most of that sharpness comes from either having a few pre-known responses to ideas or anxiously revising situations in my head ahead of time. This is, generally, a bad thing because it means I have made decisions on how I will respond to things without all of the information (as some will come over during conversation). Methodically thinking things through, fresh, is probably the only realistic way to be open minded.
Finally, do your best to avoid situations where a "quick decision" is needed; this is good advice even for "quick thinkers". Fast decisions are often poor ones - the counterpoint to that is dragging something out over many weeks or across many meetings - but putting yourself in a situation where the unknowns become knowns or the scope of the landscape and weight of the decision can be properly assessed is important. What's better is that you will likely be able to have a better paper trail for this.
One absolutely final piece of advice: Avoid using the word "slow", use "deliberate" instead.
by rfrey on 2/28/24, 5:42 PM
My son is/was quite bright - reading at 3, reading the Economist and understanding 20% of it at 5, teaching himself calculus at 7. He got terrible grades in school maths, and his teachers thought he was lazy because he so obviously understood the material.
With some cognitive testing at age 6, he was placed "somewhere over 2nd stdev" (they just stop after a bit) for most cognitive subjects... but when taking response time tests he would drop to 2nd percentile. Second percentile! You could ask him to to find the root of a simple quadratic, and he would think about it and get the answer, then ask him to name the first five even numbers, and he would take about the same amount of time. His processing speed was (and is) just slow. In school, many marks went towards "flash tests" and speed competitions in math. He couldn't get through the first half of the tests, he'd run out of time. He's in third year honours maths at uni now, favourite topic is abstract algebra. They give him more time on tests.
My point is that this is real for some people, it's not just practice or technique or rehearsing.
by al_borland on 2/27/24, 1:36 PM
Many years ago my family was trying to see Letterman in NYC. I wasn’t old enough, and we knew that going in. The night before, when I was supposed to be sleeping, I was going over what I thought I might need to know. When was my fake birthday, why don’t I have an ID, etc. On the day, I was asked these questions by security and gave a quick and natural answer. Afterword my dad commented that I was really quick and good at thinking on my feet, but the truth was that I prepared.
by annie_muss on 2/28/24, 4:58 AM
* I write everything down on calendars, to do lists, planners etc. * I have a smart speaker in every room so I can capture pieces of information as soon as I know about them. * I use many different kinds of timers to remind me of tasks, or to switch tasks from one to another. * I use checklists to help complete daily processes.
The best thing you can do is acknowledge your weaknesses, reflect on situations where you struggle and find specific techniques or processes that improve the outcome for you. It won't happen overnight. Good luck!
by Xcelerate on 2/28/24, 12:23 PM
I tend to think internally, and while I usually have a clear vision in my head of how a system works, if I try to translate that mental model on-the-fly into an explanation for others, it typically comes out as an incoherent jumble of loosely related phrases.
To that extent, I much prefer written communication. It gives me time to convert the thoughts in my head into English, and I typically iterate on what I’ve written down quite a few times until I’m satisfied with it (including Hacker News comments for example).
The one exception to being a “slow thinker” is if the discussion involves a topic I know very well and someone says something that is incorrect or inconsistent. While I can’t necessarily articulate my own ideas immediately on the spot, I do seem to be able to quickly identify and explain flaws in deductive reasoning or come up with examples that highlight inconsistencies.
I’m not sure I necessarily like that my brain defaults to looking for flaws in arguments rather than reasons to support them, but my own internal process of generating ideas consists of a cycle of proposing an idea to myself followed by immediately trying to find ways to shoot it down (such that whatever ideas survive this mental gauntlet are decent ones I guess). But I think this approach had the unfortunate side effect of optimizing the “quick thinking” part of my brain into that of an inconsistency-detector rather than a rapid brainstorming mechanism.
by Leftium on 2/27/24, 7:40 PM
When asked a question, I can give a great answer 10 minutes; an hour; a day later. It's not a full day of active thinking, but time is needed to "stew" in my mind for a while. So I give my best answer in the moment (which might be "I don't know"). Then I follow up with my awesome answer whenever it comes.
Slow thinking makes conversation more difficult. Anything beyond 1:1 conversation usually means the conversation flies faster than I can think. I'm OK with that and just enjoy listening to the conversation and occasionally contributing. On rare occasion this makes other people uncomfortable. However I have generally surrounded myself with people who accept my quiet nature.
Also slow thinking comes with its advantages. Embrace those. Despite being a slow thinker, my client repeatedly tells me that I deliver high-quality output really fast. He's always asking how I come up with these amazing ideas.
---
Derek Sivers says he's "a very slow thinker:"
> When someone wants to interview me for their show, I ask them to send me some questions a week in advance...
> People say that your first reaction is the most honest, but I disagree. Your first reaction is usually outdated. Either it’s an answer you came up with long ago and now use instead of thinking, or it’s a knee-jerk emotional response to something in your past.
> When you’re less impulsive and more deliberate like this, it can be a little inconvenient for other people, but that’s OK. Someone asks you a question. You don’t need to answer. You can say, “I don’t know,” and take your time to answer after thinking. Things happen...
HN discussion:
by osullip on 2/28/24, 11:14 AM
People fill voids and awkward situations by saying stuff, even if that stuff is wrong.
It's OK to be quiet. It's also OK to say 'Let me think about that'.
Lose some arguments.
And unless the situation you are in that requires a quick decision is life or death, it probably doesn't need one.
by fellowniusmonk on 2/28/24, 6:30 PM
In high school I got really into drama and improv, to succeed at improv AT ALL I had to effectively have to be in an altered mental state. When I am being quick witted my brain is literally functioning differently, there is no truth, no data, no thoughtfulness, it's stream of conscious ejected straight from my brain.
Mentally it's not unlike skiing a steep slope but the single internal directive isn't "oh shit, stay up" but "oh shit, entertain", it's not even an active thought per se, just an internal bent.
Fortunately my inner dialog and thought life isn't racist, evil or cruel, as no filter is no filter.
Before I learned that I had the capacity for this mental modality, I didn't even know it existed, I finally made the break through during "improv training" sessions and the "flight" response that caused me to stutter and choke just spontaneously disappeared, I'm not sure if everyone has the capacity.
I usually engage in slow thinking, in highly social situations where I'm "On", it still feels like flying down a ski slope, fun, very mentally "on" and damn scary.
by sp332 on 2/27/24, 11:36 AM
Try to be prepared with a decision tree made in advance so you can answer the predictable stuff quickly. And you don't have to think of absolutely everything, but the act of planning will help you be more familiar with the options.
Talk out loud. Take the space and time you need to make a decision, and don't try to hide it.
by 2d8a875f-39a2-4 on 2/28/24, 12:19 PM
People will use all kinds of tactics to get their way. Putting you under time pressure, bombarding you with a stream of precise facts and figures, making you feel slow and stupid and out of sync; these are all just ploys used by a hostile counterparty to influence your decision making.
You need to learn to recognize these tactics for what they are and develop counter measures.
Some "honorable" counter measures might be: demand to be sent the details in writing and promise a decision in a reasonable amount of time. Buy time by repeating back what they just said to you "to make sure you understand". Ask a lot of clarifying questions. Make your decision conditional ("I'll buy in if you can provide me with data set X that supports your direction"). etc.
For less honorable counter measures just think of "bad meeting" tropes. Appeal to authority ("we can't make a decision without person Y here, or without committee Z signing off"). Bike shedding. Circular reasoning. etc. You really shouldn't make a habit of any of these, but sometimes when you're ambushed by a bad faith actor you're gonna need to fight dirty.
by holografix on 2/28/24, 12:30 AM
Lots of good advice here so won’t repeat it. Only thing I have to add is, allow yourself some time to think in front of people. Be ok with a long pause and be assertive in making other people wait for your answer.
In a slightly competitive or confrontational situation, typically at work, I go as far as telling people: “hang on a second, let me finish.” Or “you’re bouncing around so much I don’t know what’s actually important” because often someone will keep pushing their agenda and/or cut me off and win social credit from onlookers. So I rebalance that power dynamic.
But a softer approach also works of course. “That’s interesting and I have lots to say about it, let me get back to you”
by jawns on 2/28/24, 1:24 PM
That's why I try to make space for both ends of the spectrum. One of the practices I've had great success with is a weekly update note, where my direct reports have the opportunity to write out their thoughts about how the week has gone and to raise any concerns. There have been too many times to count when a "slow thinker" has identified a problem via that channel that they didn't raise in our conversations, because they felt more comfortable being able to choose their words carefully in an async manner. If I hadn't made space for that kind of communication, I would have lost out on really smart ideas.
by throwawaysleep on 2/27/24, 12:28 PM
2. Bluster while I prep. A lot of quick thinkers are not actually quick thinkers. They are quick responders, using far more words to say just as much, with the filler works frontloaded to give them time. For example:
"Now, correct me if I am wrong, and I may be, and this is something to consider, what if we X?" buys you about 5 seconds of time to think. You can say those words in front of pretty much every argument.
3. Stop caring. Few quick decisions are actually needed. If my Product Owner is going to make me defend my approach, I just concede the argument and allow the other guy's approach, whether or not it has gaping security holes or will fail in prod. Haven't made a case for anything at work in two years and just make sure everyone whos who did make the screw up.
by poulsbohemian on 2/28/24, 5:32 PM
by swframe2 on 2/28/24, 3:06 PM
This one is on IQ: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkKPsLxgpuY Pay attention to the stats on how IQ correlates to success (near the end).
This one is about becoming an expert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eW6Eagr9XA
This one is about someone who just worked harder than everyone else: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AF8d72mA41M
by lucideer on 2/28/24, 2:25 PM
I've always been a slow thinker, & always discounted quick-wittedness as a skill others had innately. Recently I've found myself being a bit more quick-witted & what's remarkable it's not something I "think" about (at least actively). It's something that comes out from a different place (subconscious?) & does so more & more with practice. E.g. take referential connections: I used to be amazed that people could connect things in conversation so quickly because my mind simply doesn't connect things that quickly - but I think it's more like the pre-connected reference bubbles up from deep in your subconscious pre-made; you don't think about the referential route.
by RobertRoberts on 2/28/24, 2:55 PM
I have a coworker that uses his quick talking ability to manipulate, accuse and scam his way through meetings and his daily work. He is management level (so am I) and it's impossible to have reasonable discussions for many reasons.
My solution:
I graciously communicate in a professional manner, work properly with this person as a normal work flow. I listen and give my feedback and this works really well to make the day go smoothly for both of us and anyone else in the area.
After any encounters with this person, I think about what happened, I make some notes about the events (date stamp it as well) and then let it sit in my mind until the next day at a minimum.
I have found that after doing this, I realized what really happened, (if I was tricked or manipulated or not) and then I do all of my responses in email.
I do not even try to do it verbally. In fact I have told this person and upper management, that I am not comfortable talking about events _because_ I am do not have quick responses to ward off the manipulations (I don't call it this to upper management though).
I state plainly that I do not want confrontation, and I just want to do my job, and I get too emotional and can sometimes communicate poorly verbally.
This is a reasonable statement, and I no longer have to replay my conversations when things go wrong, because I do it all in writing.
This has had the side benefit of causing this bully to back down, because he has relied on hiding behind clever wording and phrasing that I could not counter. And because I am being very open about my responses, he knows he would have to do the same if we wants to respond and his true motivations and intent would be revealed.
So I am now simply happier at work. I hope this helps some.
by alfonsodev on 2/28/24, 2:52 PM
Learn to walk up and down an abstraction tree of your thoughts.
Quick for me in this context looks like high level conversation without details, so learn to keep things high level, and think in three branches maximum of the first level of that tree.
Also find common context, usually this is where I find conversations get lost, sometimes listening and gathering the other person context is way more important that stress yourself to be quick.
And just be honest, people appreciate that too.
So my "quick" thinking reply to you, are these three branches of a tree that could go wider and deeper but I would start the conversation like this.
- Think about abstraction levels rather than speed, one level deep and three branches wide.
- Listen to gather common context and fill your gaps.
- Be honest
by faeriechangling on 2/27/24, 7:17 PM
Sadly one of the places where quick wittedness is most essential is face to face social interaction so at some point you just have to bite the bullet and do things you're worse at than others.
by brudgers on 2/27/24, 1:45 PM
Nobody likes you more because you won the argument. "Yes, and..." is much better tool. Even when dealing with socio-paths because saying one thing and doing another is also useful.
What I mean is that what works for me is to realize that my deficit is social skills. The solutions are negotiation and forbearance, not violence.
Good luck.
by hiAndrewQuinn on 2/27/24, 1:15 PM
There are quite a few things which are best kept as "fingertip knowledge", even with the assistance of GPT-4.
by _hk_1 on 2/28/24, 4:25 PM
But then I realized something. Just like how martial artists rehearse their moves over and over again until it becomes second nature, I started rehearsing scenarios in my head. For instance, before a big presentation, I'd run through possible questions or objections I might face. It's like mentally preparing myself for battle, but without the black belt.
By recognizing when I'm slipping into slow-thinking mode, I can catch myself before I spiral into panic mode. It's all about staying cool, calm, and collected, even when the pressure's on.
Breaking tasks down has been a lifesaver too. Instead of tackling a decision head-on, I break it into bite-sized chunks. It's like eating a massive burger one bite at a time. Much more manageable, right?
Plus, I'm not afraid to lean on tools and resources. Whether it's jotting down notes or consulting with experts, these little helpers give me the confidence to tackle even the toughest decisions.
And hey, slow thinking doesn't mean I'm not sharp. I'm all about continuous learning and improvement. Whether it's doing brain teasers or engaging in a lively debate, I'm constantly flexing those mental muscles.
With a bit of rehearsal, mindfulness, and a trusty toolkit, you'll be navigating those fast-paced situations like a pro in no time.
by marcusverus on 2/28/24, 3:59 PM
First, I'm in a scenario where I'm bombarded with new information and asked to provide analysis, or I'm presented with a new problem and asked for a solution. When people ask questions about complex topics, they probably don't expect full, well organized answers immediately. Likely, they expect a conversation. Work the problem with them, just like you would alone, asking questions as necessary. Supplement your working memory by writing things down as you discuss them. People are happy to sit in silence for a minute while you work a problem or make notes, so don't be afraid of silence. This is simply how complex work is done.
Second, sometimes you're asked a question where you have all the information to answer it, but you need a minute to gather your thoughts before answering. In such a case, one can be tempted to say "I'll get back to you". A better approach, if you're certain that you can answer the question with a little more time, is to simply talk through your analysis. Your boss asks "What would happen if we did X instead of Y". You need a minute, but he's sitting there, waiting! That's fine, just talk it out! Say, "Hmm. I hadn't considered that. My first thought is Z, but there are a few things to consider. First...". Make notes as you go, if you're still talking about thing A and thing B pops into your head, make a quick note to remind yourself to return to it.
A great way to improve on this is to watch other people in meetings. Everyone gets put on the spot. You can learn a lot from seeing how other people handle it.
by VirusNewbie on 2/27/24, 4:40 PM
After I decided to really dive into DS&A and do some interview prep, I really focused on speed and I got so much faster.
by MobileVet on 2/28/24, 2:26 PM
We all have our anecdotes about someone that is 'quick on their feet' or 'slow to speak' etc but it wasn't until my daughter was diagnosed with memory and processing issues that it hit home how deeply this can affect people.
While doing a battery of tests, it was determined her 'intelligence' was in the 99th percentile, but her processing speed and working memory were in the 25th and 19th percentiles. That represents almost 5 standard deviations between what she understands and how easily she can process it!
Seeing how truly intelligent she is, but also appreciating the time it takes time for her to put the pieces together gives me more compassion and patience when I am working with people that process information differently than I do.
by seti0Cha on 2/28/24, 6:28 PM
by 082349872349872 on 2/27/24, 11:31 AM
by Tieje on 2/28/24, 1:05 PM
As for arguments, make them try to convince you. Make them come to you. This is power. It's easier win an argument from a defensive stance. Picking apart their attacks is easier than you convincing them. They either see the error in their ways or you will see errors in your own and tell them you'll think about it. For this to work, you will need an open mind.
Also, if you have time, prepare as much as you can.
People that try to dominate in an argument instead of keeping a pro-social, open-mind only desire to boost their ego, not to truly learn. Avoid these people. Relieve yourself of the insecurity they wreak upon you.
by jonshariat on 2/28/24, 8:57 PM
I'm also a slow thinker and here somethings that have helped me:
1. lean into your strengths. Like you said in your post where you asked for more time for him during tests. Real life is much more negotiable. Ask for time, Ask to think on this and get back, etc.
2. Like some of said, prep is helpful. Utilize your super power by taking a look at the material before. This can be intense like when I'm interviewing I really go crazy with prep but it can also be 5mins before the meeting, gathering your thoughts.
3. To get better at real time thinking, for me, is taking some lose notes during the meeting.
4. Sometimes you have to tune out the presenter. If all they are doing is reading out the slides, I've found ignoring the presenter, and digesting the content on my own is better. Then I come up with question to clarify my understanding, highlight a decision that needs made and my opinion, think about how this may effect other areas, etc.
by zoomablemind on 2/28/24, 2:20 PM
Do you generally experience slow physiological and neural reactions? In other words is it a 'hardware' limitation?
My guess, in your case it may be more about specific contexts. Some topics/domains may not be your forte, so to speak, yet you could be familiar with them enough to get engaged.
So a reasonable choice could be not to engage into debates, instead take a role of a talk show host which encourages guests to talk and tell. It's a win-win case, the other side shines, you learn about the person and the topic.
Eventually you'd know which topics are "yours". It's not possible to know everything, yet it's very much possible to listen to anything (unless it's a preschooler asking for ice-cream non-stop).
Also, exercising your memory may be of great help in life in general. Fast recall saves you more time for processing the information.
by ergonaught on 2/28/24, 11:37 AM
1) Prep/rehearsal
2) Delay ("I'll have that for you on [later]")
3) Snark ("If it doesn't matter let's just flip for it")
4) Silence, then spend the next 8 weeks mentally rehearsing and regretting and beating myself up
If it's literally just "quick wit", sometimes I have it, sometimes I don't, my wife always destroys me and I can only acknowledge greatness.
For myself, outside of prep/rehearsal, I generally only have "quick answers" if it's a situation where I either have a heuristic I trust ("Budget for that department needs to be 20% of top line revenue in most situations"), or a value that makes the decision for me ("We can 10x our profits if we poison these 17 children, should we do it?" has a quick "No").
by Adachi91 on 2/28/24, 6:17 PM
if I had to analyze the way my brain works in communication (I have been diagnosed Autistic) it would be something like: checking my surroundings => filter check => no good => return to start until appropriate outcome/reaction is most likely to occur. I could make a flow chart about it. However when it's raw input, say a reaction to something dangerous I let my brain do it's thing avoiding hazardous situations (Environments, Automobile wrecks, etc...)
by kerkeslager on 2/28/24, 2:08 PM
In your case, if you're a slow, methodical thinker, you need to have a few people at hand who are quick thinkers and can make snap decisions and assessments when it's appropriate to do so.
I'm a quick, intuitive thinker, and I need people in my life who can slow me down and think through how my intuitions might be wrong.
Neither of these is better than the other. Both are needed. Love yourself. :)
by agentultra on 2/28/24, 2:27 PM
If I am to give a presentation or am invited to a meeting I prepare by taking the position of my interlocutor. I write down their arguments. Then I write down my responses.
Then the day of the meeting I have prepared responses for what they’re going to say.
When I am caught with an argument I hadn’t thought of I pause first. Then I repeat what they said in my own words. And then I use implication to work towards my position.
It’s a lot of rehearsal. Like martial arts. The purpose of practice is to relieve the mind when the time comes to act.
I’m not afraid to take a moment to consider what is said before responding. Some people who are quick witted or like to talk before they think are disarmed by this. But it can be useful… just try to avoid over-using it or people may get impatient with you.
by hosh on 2/28/24, 5:33 PM
For example, in high-pressure situations, such as when the infra is falling down, you might not be the one coming up with immediate mitigations, but you may be starting a reasoned, calm root-cause analysis that is just as important, if not with the same urgency, as mitigations. If you are also methodical in your troubleshooting, you are providing an alternate path to finding the issue that is different from with a more intuitive approach.
A colleague willing to let you take the time to hear you out helps out a lot.
by kouru225 on 2/28/24, 5:00 PM
The benefits are obvious to me: while I may have presented myself better in the past, I was prioritizing my presentation over being right, and eventually those snappy comments would come back to bite me. Now my life is much more exciting and varied. I find myself learning a lot more and being a lot more excited about the world.
by scrapheap on 2/27/24, 12:21 PM
Also a valid response to being asked to make a decision can be "I'll think about it and get back to you" (but always make sure you do get back to them about it)
The best advice I've got for most arguments is to not bother. If you've reached the point of arguing then egos are involved and people won't back down even if they realize that they're wrong.
by rerdavies on 2/28/24, 12:01 PM
Could that be at the root of your problem? Don't labor over whether what you say is right or not. Just put it out there, and you will be right almost all the time. Everyone understands that quick-thinking produces less accurate results. Be less worried about being wrong. You can always have a slow think afterwards and change your mind.
by talkingtab on 2/28/24, 5:12 PM
This whole thing of asking people technical questions in interviews is IMHO just stupid. In an interview if you want to know if someone is technically good, have them ask you questions and test your knowledge. Or give them a problem without an easy answer. Why and when would you prefer to use Rust vs JavaScript. Why don't people use 'C' anymore?
My advice is: if you find yourself in a "who knows the answer" environment to run like crazy. Corporations use goofy signals. I worked long ago at significant DB company that used the number of hours you worked as a signal for how good you were. Work 9 hours = bad, Work 15 = good. Then they went out of business because it turns out that no one got anything done.
I've been thinking about Cargo Cultism quite a bit. Agile used to be an effective way to do things. Now not so much. Did the technique change? No. What happened is that it because the "right answer". People are going through the motions for something they do not understand. Just silliness.
Do a start up, consult, anything. If you can think well you have lots of options, but will have to work for them.
by mrangle on 2/28/24, 5:04 AM
As others have mentioned "pre-thinking" or preparation will be the solution whenever possible.
If you suspect a language processing issue, get it confirmed so that you can plan around it.
by 01100011 on 2/28/24, 12:56 PM
To work around this, I rely more on social skills, a positive attitude, pre-canned responses, and deferral of judgement on technical approaches until I've had time to consider them. (Fortunately my social brain hasn't aged as poorly as my nerd brain)
by BerislavLopac on 2/28/24, 1:48 PM
But this whole topic raises an important question: is there any way to check whether someone is a slow thinker, e.g. when interviewing people for work? It would be great if one could easily determine if someone doesn't have the required knowledge or is simply slow to formulate the answers.
by koliber on 2/28/24, 12:47 PM
I am not very good at chess. If I need to make a decision on a move, I will think slowly and deeply. In the end, I often make a move because I feel I used up too much time, and not because I think it is a good move.
There are some domains where I am very experienced. When I listen to someone's question, many possible solutions come to mind. As the person continues to explain the situation, some of the solutions are eliminated as they don't apply. When the person finished speaking, I have either a possible solution for their problem (assuming they provided adequate context) or some followup questions. In either case, I am able to offer a quick response or followup question, and may come across as quick-witted.
I don't think I am quick witted. I am able to listen and process at the same time. I have a considerable library in my head on some subject, and can navigate it while someone is speaking.
This varies from subject to subject, and largely depends on the complexity of the question or decision. The more I know about something, and the simpler the situation, the quicker comes a response. To someone who has less experience, this may seem like a quick wit.
by karaterobot on 2/28/24, 6:14 PM
Asking questions. It gives me more time to think and more information with which to come to a conclusion. I think a lot of what is sometimes called slowness is really analysis paralysis. Not caused by lack of thinking, any more than gridlock is caused by lack of cars. As you know, the person who makes confident, knee-jerk decisions looks highly competent, but usually isn't.
by midtake on 2/29/24, 8:50 AM
That said, I don't think it's set in stone. As someone quick on their feet, I can tell you that it feels like flow state. I don't think it's innate, so with practice you can become just like the other jokesters at work. Also try to loosen up. Anxiety is anathema to a quick wit.
When I notice smart people appear to be slow thinkers, it's actually still obvious that they're fully engaged but that they have recessed themselves a bit in their minds. They are processing everything but for some reason feel there is a cost to start speaking so they don't jump the gun. It's not a terrible quality. So if you're a solid thinker people will still see it, don't worry about appearing like a midwit if you're not. Otherwise your anxiety will eat you up.
by Alifatisk on 2/28/24, 11:04 AM
I hope this is something I can train away though, because thinking slow in-front of others is kinda embarrassing.
by aorloff on 2/28/24, 5:03 PM
For the times in life when someone wants a quick decision, instead learn a few canned and polished responses that give you a few minutes to decide how you want to answer.
Just because someone wants a quick decision doesn’t mean they deserve more than a quick response.
by ohyes on 2/29/24, 7:19 PM
I’ve learned to tone that down by not responding immediately with an answer. My immediate response is almost always a set of considerations, and then I walk through my internal thought process with whoever I’m answering.
This does a few things, it respects the other person who you are talking to, as they have likely thought about it too and for longer, so might have some deeper insight. Secondly it prevents you from saying one thing out of nowhere and backtracking, preventing confusion/frustration where you contradict yourself. People have a lot more confidence in the person who is very clear and has fewer instances of jumping from one solution to a different one.
I would say change nothing but do learn to express your inner monologue clearly. I often do that by making notes as one would in debate (on paper or mentally).
by BoringBoron on 2/28/24, 1:23 PM
by stcroixx on 2/28/24, 2:04 PM
by rglover on 2/28/24, 12:43 PM
by hamburglar on 2/28/24, 5:12 PM
This has made me more confident in my quiet style. It’s very helpful to know in your gut that you are respected and don’t need to hurry to be the first person to say something. You have nothing to prove. When you wait and only say something that truly advances the discussion, you become mysteriously wise.
by electriclizard on 2/28/24, 5:47 PM
“In this world … you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant. Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant.”
by s4074433 on 3/1/24, 11:12 PM
Most of the time, people who are 'quick-witted' have either come across the situation before and recalled a good response (think chess players memorizing good opening or endgame moves), or that they are actually really good at analyzing and solving a particular type of problem really well (think prodigies that have an abundance of natural talent).
This is something that you can practice by listening to what other people say and analyzing the situation rather than jumping in with a comment of your own.
In time, you'll be the one jumping in with the 'quick-witted' comment.
by michdl on 2/29/24, 12:01 PM
by reportgunner on 2/28/24, 11:29 AM
- stop thinking of yourself as slow thinker/fast thinker
- decide if you want to be able to think fast or not and either avoid situations where you have to think fast or seek such situations to practice and get better
by vandahm on 2/28/24, 6:55 PM
1. I don't know, 2. It depends, 3. I'll get back to you.
If people don't accept that, I'll follow with some variation of "Do you want me to guess or do you want me to lie? Either way, I'd be feeding you bullshit, and you deserve better than that. Give me a little bit of time to collect my thoughts."
by anon373839 on 2/29/24, 1:59 PM
by rekabis on 2/29/24, 11:59 PM
My compensation is to know the subject inside and out. When I am absolutely aligned with the data being discussed, I can absolutely spar with the best of them.
Downside is any context-based subject, such as sarcasm or politics or emotional/fact-free arguments. There is no way to master those, so my slow thinking is a permanent nerf.
by t_mahmood on 2/29/24, 3:35 PM
Preparedness is not the solution for many unique and many times life changing situations, where we do not have time to think, but have to make decision very quickly. And I have always failed at that, and created misunderstandings, pain.
And having ADHD, slow processing brain, and some hearing loss, I have not seen any solution that would help me.
by thewileyone on 3/1/24, 3:00 AM
Addendum: I might have taken a while to think through a problem, but I am quick-witted in arguing hahaha!
by WarOnPrivacy on 2/28/24, 2:24 PM
1) It may be that you aren't a slow thinker but a bad translator.
2) I prepare 70% of a conversation in my head (I may never use it).
3) My first drafts are awful. Second and third can be worse. The 30% is the bit I'm less likely to ruin on delivery.
4) I used early social media to learn to trim multiple paragraphs down to sentence. I'm still learning it.
5) I'm a slow learn. This took years.
by mncharity on 2/29/24, 1:34 AM
by perrygeo on 2/28/24, 12:57 AM
by datavirtue on 2/29/24, 3:58 AM
Quit worrying about being quick-witted. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
by samorozco on 2/28/24, 1:57 PM
by codingdave on 2/27/24, 2:16 PM
If you have a culture of async communication, that helps.
by yungporko on 2/28/24, 8:32 PM
by renewiltord on 2/28/24, 5:12 PM
In times when I haven’t appeared like this, I haven’t thought about the problem much. L
by lr4444lr on 2/28/24, 12:22 PM
I also cultivate a measure of unpredictability in myself to slow other people down by defying their assumptions.
by gadders on 2/28/24, 12:05 PM
"You know what - my first answer is rarely my best one. Can I mull it over and get back to you by [end of day/tomorrow morning/next Monday]?"
This is for questions in meetings. Actual arguments might be harder.
by tqwhite on 2/28/24, 2:16 PM
by lo_zamoyski on 2/28/24, 6:51 PM
by RecycledEle on 2/28/24, 8:20 AM
Also, I try to never fire off a reply to an email without 1. writing a first draft, 2. thinking about something else, then 3. revising my draft.
by powerset on 2/28/24, 7:11 PM
by lefstathiou on 2/28/24, 6:12 PM
by thiago_fm on 2/27/24, 3:46 PM
It is trainable because I was HORRIBLE at it, and now I can say I'm average/good, and I deliberately practiced.
Also, if you are in management, you must exercise this more. Sometimes, you must make decisions quickly, and postponing them has consequences. One example that comes to mind is if a report misbehaves, you can't just let it go, you need to let them know about it (in private) quickly.
One tip that helps is to think strategically: what are the first 3 steps? Or the most important 3 steps you could think of?
Of course, your answer will have plenty of holes, but a good enough answer is typically good enough for those situations.
You can train this daily with your other or family; talk with them, and instead of saying what is comfortable (the next token in your brain LLM), you try to say something better or more enjoyable.
That will prompt you to think fast about a new solution.
Like with blitz chess, if you want to improve at it, you need to play more using the fundamentals you know from the "slower" chess, which is what you already do now. It isn't as complex as you think, just more practice practice.
by acidpanda on 2/28/24, 11:46 AM
Then again all you can do is practice.
by mrblampo on 2/28/24, 12:07 PM
by yieldcrv on 2/28/24, 12:47 PM
when it comes to human interactions, you don't really need to respond. most of that is pride or lack of options.
for example, in interpersonal relationships, its a learned trait to not respond reactively
in another example if you're overemployed, you don't need to quickly fight for relevance in your job from decisions that could theoretically seem like threats to your division or employment to just you, because you already secretly have another job
by elif on 2/28/24, 12:21 PM
by azangru on 2/28/24, 1:07 PM
Through poor work/life balance. Working overtime to solve tasks that I can't solve during the regular hours.
by ultra_nick on 2/28/24, 5:08 PM
Logic, fallacies, philosophy, and science for arguments
Fundamental algorithms and structures for code
Common joke/meme formats and questions for social skills
by jddj on 2/28/24, 11:52 AM
by hliyan on 2/28/24, 1:21 PM
by speedylight on 2/28/24, 6:53 PM
by 11101010001100 on 2/28/24, 1:44 PM
by kbos87 on 2/28/24, 5:45 PM
I have complete faith in Joe Biden’s ability to make sound decisions through a slow and deliberate process. That’s what the presidency requires.
I don’t hold much faith in his ability to compete on the campaign trail, because all people care about is fast thinking in conversation and debate, and he’s quickly losing that ability.
I see a pretty clear parallel to myself. I’m able to perform objectively well at work, but I’m not great in fast paced conversations, and unfortunately, interviews.
by aristofun on 2/27/24, 3:51 PM
I just avoid people and organizations that doesn't understand the value of deep vs quick thinking.
by nottorp on 2/28/24, 2:57 PM
by topbanana on 2/28/24, 11:50 AM
by dustingetz on 2/28/24, 12:01 PM
delay tactics: take sip of water, ask a clarifying question
frame inversion: go on offense, reflect the attention to them- study the dialogue in super hero movies between the hero and villain
by zekenie on 2/28/24, 2:07 PM
by treffer on 2/29/24, 9:12 AM
1. Some decisions are better made than delayed. Most choices are reversible. So get over those being be important/relevant.
2. Everything else _should_ be thought through. Push for it. If that's not possible then you have to live with the consequences. These are most often sales traps though, see e.g. "scarcity" in "Influence: The psychology of persuasion" which covers deadlines. If you fail for these then please read the book or listen to the audio book.
3. Winning an argument is not just about thinking about arguments. See "The art of being right" for a set of arguing tactics that will make you look like you are dumb.
4. Fast good action is often a matter of turning it into a routine. That's what you do for incidents (gamedays), fire drills etc. If it matters then better be prepared!
But on top of everything.... I've been doing on-call for years. I can tell you that bad decisions under time pressure and emotional stress are often bad and far from optimal. It's ok. It's human.
The thing that makes me a bit uneasy is that it looks like you are stressing yourself on top of everything. You can get professional help for that too.
by vitalurk on 2/28/24, 2:09 PM
by spacecadet on 2/28/24, 11:55 AM
- Not paying attention and thinking about what THEY can say next - Are not listening/respecting the room. - Typically not asking the "right questions" and pushing shit forward to be "cool"...
I would avoid over indexing here and instead aim for skills like, Active Listening, Making Space (for thinking too), Cooperative Collaboration. When I deploy these over whit, my products and teams succeed more often.
The last crunchy thing I'll say here- which I say here all the time. This is a symptom of our modern world/social media. Don't fall prey. We see people all around us throwing out ideas, projecting success... It's all BS. Amplified by the platforms.
by zubairq on 2/28/24, 4:51 PM
by manuelisimo on 2/28/24, 4:39 PM
by darepublic on 2/28/24, 6:43 PM
Emotions can cloud the ability to think too
by orobouris on 2/29/24, 1:18 PM
by everybodyknows on 2/28/24, 8:15 PM
by SirBeep on 2/29/24, 2:44 PM
by dcchambers on 2/28/24, 2:58 PM
by narag on 2/28/24, 2:26 PM
What do I do? I shut up and listen.
When the other person says something wrong, I shake my head. If it's obviously wrong, I say no with the tip finger. If it's insultingly wrong, I use the middle finger :)
Usually the other person CAN NOT STOP talking. That's good. If I'm pressed to talk I simply say "that's a whole lot of bullshit" and refuse to answer bad faith arguments.
Meanwhile I have enough time to think a thorough response. Questions like "are you really saying that..." are the best counters.
by jmkni on 2/28/24, 11:30 AM
by mvkel on 2/28/24, 3:41 PM
It's like with breaking news. Do you want to be first, or correct? The two are usually at odds, and serve different purposes.
The quickest wits do improv comedy, and what makes improv funny is the mistakes that turn into happy accidents, usually precipitated by speed.
There is great strength, confidence, and accuracy that can come from deliberately slowing down. Your words have more meaning.
by asdefghyk on 2/28/24, 3:58 PM
by Too on 2/28/24, 6:53 PM
That is not about being slow. By showing interest and actively participating, your brain should already get pre-warmed with your thoughts.
In a group meeting, imagine that at any time, you should be ready to reply to the question: “what do you think?” This requires actively listening and focus.
If you are zoning out, ask yourself why you are really attending that meeting in the first place.
by bradley13 on 2/28/24, 3:03 PM
I have known people who were at best average in intelligence, but in their area of competence, worked well under time pressure. Among other things, they make great first a responders!
There are also high IQ types who need time to ponder. They work poorly under pressure.
by 1attice on 2/29/24, 6:23 AM
by KingOfCoders on 2/28/24, 12:45 PM
by bjnewman85 on 2/28/24, 6:37 PM
by mr90210 on 2/28/24, 1:52 PM
Thank me later.
by kypro on 2/28/24, 12:06 PM
Regardless of whether I'm a slow thinker or not though, we have the exact same problem in that my ability to answer questions on the spot is probably comparable to someone with an IQ in the 80-90 range, while my actual IQ is likely somewhere around 130.
The only thing that I can realistically do is just reject to answer certain questions on the spot. Normally I'll say something like, "I'm sorry, I'd need to think about that a bit and get back to you", but obviously whether or not this is appropriate will depend on the context – you can't say this in an interview, for example.
I'm also autistic and something I've learnt in life is that when you have such divergent abilities really have no option but to play to your strengths. There are always things you can do to improve where your ability is lacking, but realistically you're not going to be able to completely alter the way your mind works. The better strategy is just to appreciate the ways you excel and try your best to use your strengths to add value to the situations you find yourself in.
So for me I think my ability to go away and reflect on problems is excellent, so if this is an option for me that's what I'll try to do. So maybe your strength just isn't in real-time debates? Maybe you're better at making your arguments via blog posts, or if this is at work perhaps you're good at going away, thinking about something and then writing up a proposal with your reasoning.
The other way this effects me which I'll briefly comment on is my ability to joke and have small talk. Because I'm not very witty and I'm autistic I can naturally come off as a bit cold and detached in conversations. I deal with this by trying to overcompensate for my natural coldness by smiling and showing appreciation for people so they know I'm not cold because I don't like them, I'm just a bit socially awkward. I don't know if you have the same problem, but this helps me a ton at work. I think people who lack social wit often fall into trap of thinking that they can't be likeable people, but really the reason they're not likeable is because they make people feel uncomfortable around them. In my experience people kinda like awkward people when they're friendly and positive to be around. There's lots of examples of lovable awkward characters in popular media that might come to mind and be good models to try to replicate in your own interactions.
by silent_cal on 2/28/24, 2:52 PM
by greenie_beans on 2/28/24, 1:16 PM
by __lbracket__ on 2/27/24, 8:35 PM
Outside work, people remember/invite people who are empathetic and/or fun to be around, not those who win arguments. In fact argument winners tend to annoy people more.
There are very few high-stakes situations where quick thinking is crucial. What most people mistake for quick thinking (say averting a mishap during airplane landing) is trained muscle memory, which comes from long prep.