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Ask HN: Do you homeschool?

by hazard on 11/13/23, 11:10 PM with 56 comments

• by billybuckwheat on 11/14/23, 12:49 AM

  My partner and I homeschool our child who's disabled. Mainly because classroom support for disabled students at our local schools (or ones further afield) isn't great. We've used the national curriculum as a guide, though we've munged it more than a bit to suit our child's needs. And we've been able to get a little (and I do mean little) financial support from the government which has helped defray the cost of some materials.

  Overall, a year of homeschooling has been better for our child than the two or three years they spent at a regular school. It's a bit more work for me and my partner, but so far it's been worth it.

• by daedalus_j on 11/14/23, 1:14 AM

  I can only speak as someone who was homeschooled, as I haven't had a chance to practice it from the other side yet, but:

  I wouldn't have traded it for the world. However I was very lucky to grow up in an area with an exceptionally bad school system so there were quite a few other homeschooled families around. I learned math at my friend David's house from his dad who was a 3D visualization software engineer. I learned electronics from the neighborhood "elmer" who helped us all get our ham radio licenses. We did art and history at a bunch of places, and we did "field trips" with our friends to all sorts of places.

  I've spent my whole life fighting the "ahh, an ill-mannered anti-social homeschooler eh?!" stereotype, but I have to admit that I've met my share of them too. This is my biggest concern with eventually homeschooling my own kids. Having people around, having a group, learning to get along with people, are all critical. Nevermind the fact that we learned all sorts of things that we weren't ourselves interested in because one of our friends was interested. Would I ever have gone on a field trip to learn to ride horses? No, but the neighbors wanted to, so we did! And they learned about hydroelectric dams when I wanted to go to those. I think I would've turned out a lot worse if I hadn't had that diversity of exposure.

  I started community college at age 16 (paid for by the local high school) and was well prepared for it. (Except for chemistry. I still don't grok chemistry.) Neither of my parents ever went to college, and they've told me that they had the same concerns about being able to effectively teach. Kids are curious, and the resources to learn are out there. Don't get too hung up on following a curriculum and being an expert at everything yourself, get them with other kids and encourage curiosity. Learning how to learn is THE critical factor, and in my observation one of the things that public schools fail ridiculously at. (But I'm rather biased.)

  Look into homeschooling groups in your area, or the newer related phenomena of "co-op schooling". (Essentially what I got.) Try and meet some of the parents in those group and see what it's like for their kids. If you've got any sort of support system around like that you'll do just fine!

• by saluki on 11/15/23, 11:49 AM

  We homeschooled our son, we planned on only doing it for a year or two to get around a not recommended by other parents 1st grade teacher at a private school he did Kindergarten at. My wife did most of the teaching. They loved it and continued all the way through high school. There are a ton of resources out there. It was a full time job for my wife and she put a ton of effort in to it. He completed High School early and started taking pull time on line university courses his Junior year. He's made straight As, got accepted at all 7 universities he applied at and got accepted at his first choice and invited to their honors/fellowship program. My wife did a great job so part of it is you get out of it what you put in to it. I'd recommend it. My son's friends who were in public school had tons of drama and stories about negative experiences in school. It probably depends on your school district and options and if someone can focus on homeschooling full time. I'd recommend year round schooling. So you can travel while everyone else is in school. Focus on school during the hot summer months and freezing winter months. Take days off for good weather and events around holidays. It's sort of like remote work for kids. Way more flexible. Plus let them study what they are interested in along with the standard core classes. You can always give it a try in the summer to test it out and see if the parent and student can focus on it and accomplish the required work. We did have a neighbor homeschool and the parent wasn't putting any effort in to it and their child was falling behind, that's not a good thing for their future so try it out and see if everyone is on board. Good luck.

• by MrDrMcCoy on 11/14/23, 2:26 AM

  I don't have kids of my own, but was homeschooled all the way through and it was a great experience for me. My parents barely needed to be involved for the high school years except to get me resources I needed or to check my work. For subjects that my parents couldn't teach, they either enrolled me in co-op classes that I would attend a couple times a week or a video-led course that was offered by an instructor that I could contact if needed. This offered tremendous flexibility in terms of scheduling, thus I could take extra time to sort through difficult topics. Co-op classes can be substituted for part-time enrollment in public schools.

  The socialization aspect was solved by a combination of things: - Regular involvement in a homeschool group that had meetups and educational field trips. - Extracurricular groups. For me, that was Scouts and Volunteering, but anything that builds skills, involves responsibilities, and is fun will do. - Sports were not my favorite, but there's lots of ways to pull them off. Many larger homeschool groups and co-ops have their own options, and I believe that part-time public school also allows for participation. - The freedom I had in scheduling allowed me to hold a part time day job, which was a whole class of social and life skill building that wouldn't otherwise be possible.

• by hnthrowaway0315 on 11/14/23, 10:09 PM

  I was partially homeschooled. I'll explain.

  I followed a traditional school system plus homeschooling after school and in summer/winter. My parents are university professors so they mostly taught Math and English to me.

  All in all it made my life considerably miserable. I didn't have holidays. My holidays had way more workload than my school. Imagine this: 4 hours of piano practice every day (applicable) plus extracurricular studies for English and Mathematics, usually more difficult than what the school taught and uninterested to me.

  Anyway I think my example is quite unique and I believe you will follow your children's interests. But in any way please do not force your will to your kid. He is going to hate you for life.

  Also, homeschooling requires certain traits that I don't think everyone has. I'd be frank and say that most parents are not suitable for homeschooling their kids unless they are trained in pedagogical education. It's one thing to learn and know stuffs and it's another to teach it effectively to someone else. It's a third to teach it to your own kid (that is, even being a middle school teacher does not mean you are suitable to teach your own kids. I have seen many bad examples).

• by mattpallissard on 11/15/23, 2:37 AM

  We homeschool our 5 children, one of which is high school age.

  I wouldn't fret over experience. You're adults teaching material for children. Even if you don't remember specific material it's trivial to refresh yourself. It's mostly stuff you've learned already.

  Patience as you correctly suspect is key. However it's not the typical patience you need when parenting. It's the ability to allow someone to figure something out, or to change curriculum or plans on the fly.

  But honestly, that highlights the beauty of homeschooling. You can change, take a break from or altogether drop a particular approach. It takes some getting used to. Once you get over the panic that your child will fall behind and watch them work through a struggle over a long period it really is rewarding.

  Go for it, you'll figure it out. The fact that you're worried about it is indicative of the fact you'll do a good job.

• by killjoywashere on 11/13/23, 11:38 PM

  We moved overseas (military) and our son wasn't going to be able to keep up with his state-side peers so we homeschooled him through Oak Meadows, with my mom, a recently retired math prof, handling his math education. Oak Meadows was solid. An actual teacher reviewed work and tests with him. This was in a remote outpost many timezones from the US, before the pandemic. 10/10 would do it again. But we also shopped really hard, like, for years.

  My general experience with private schools is similar to yours: drama. So much drama.

• by johnny99k on 11/14/23, 4:16 PM

  My kids are not in school yet. But, A friend of mine has a daughter that is very smart and does well academically.

  She would go ahead of the class in math on her own and the teacher took her aside and told her to 'limit herself' to only a certain amount of math/week, so she doesn't get that far ahead.

• by loehnsberg on 11/14/23, 11:19 AM

  We homeschool our two kids for two years now, because both had made bad experiences in the conventional school system.

  It took us a while to find our pace, but it is going very well so far. There is plenty of homeschooling material out there plus a rising number of distance learning curricula that you can pick from.

  I recommend that you take a look at the school curriculum of the high school that your child will potentially join and work backwards from there. For the most part, prerequisites will boil down to language comprehension, as well as science and math :)

  You as instructor will have to prepare though. We have workbooks for grammar and math, but we let them choose what books they want to read. We also have science material, like electronics kits, geologic samples, microscope, models of the human body, a few apps for geography, etc. Once a week, they meet with a private tutor.

  We do not have a fixed schedule, because both kids do a lot of sports and we want to let them play and roam when they're in the mood. We usually let them chose when to work on something but require school work before screen time. We also use a point system where they receive a sticker for each completed task. When they're done with a month worth of stickers, they can pick something small from the toy store, but the stickers also help them to see what they've accomplished.

  This is what worked for us, but I recommend that you try out different strategies and see what works best for you and your child. Becoming a home teacher can be a challenge, because you'll have to help your kid cross that motivational barrier quite so often and that will naturally result in conflict. Just keep in mind that the relationship to your child is more important than whether you achieved all of your daily schooling targets.

  Good luck!

• by laxk on 11/15/23, 1:28 AM

  I recommend familiarizing yourself with John Holt, who played a monumental role in promoting homeschooling in the United States. His influence reached many, including my own family.

  For more information on John Holt's work and perspectives on homeschooling, you can visit his website. https://www.johnholtgws.com/books-by-john-holt

  Homeschooling offers a unique opportunity for bonding with your child and allows you, as an adult, to learn what you might have missed during your own childhood. :) It's a chance for personal growth and development. While homeschooling is certainly a commitment and can be challenging, its rewards are significant. Homeschooled children often stand out from the crowd. They exhibit high levels of curiosity, aren't afraid to ask questions, and can be quite challenging for any teacher – in a good way, of course!

• by fiftyacorn on 11/14/23, 8:15 AM

  We home-school my autistic daughter as school never worked and affected her mental health, and is going ok. We adopt the unschooling approach - the structure of formal learning doesnt work and she blitzes thru topics

  Ive seen an increase in home schooling in the UK since Covid - especially amongst ND kids. I think online schooling showed them they can learn without the aspects of school that they found really hard.

  There was a discussion on HN a few weeks ago on home schooling and it descended into criticism due to its association with religion and a path to teach creationism, or not educated women. This doesnt happen as much in the UK and i felt the discussion didnt cover the positives of home ed

• by johngalt on 11/14/23, 2:55 AM

  If you are involved parents, it is difficult to make a wrong choice.

  There is nothing wrong with homeschooling and it works best when you have a network of people who are doing the same to add-in social opportunities. The only thing that I would be a little concerned about in your specific situation is the timelines. Transitions are the hard part. Setting up the homeschooling methods/practices/habits, and then switching back to traditional school methods/practices/habits. Homeschooling for just 1-2 years eats up a lot of time in transition.

  If you have a decent public school option. Consider participating in it. Get involved, volunteer, give feedback in the school board meetings. Take however much time you planned to spend on homeschooling and invest it there. Both your child and others will benefit significantly. However, don't sacrifice yourself or your kids to try and save a bad situation. It also means that socially there will be some pre-existing friends for that first year of high school.

• by willio58 on 11/14/23, 6:29 PM

  In my childhood I had many school experiences elementary through high school:

  - Lower income schools

  - Higher income schools

  - Gifted programs within each

  - Private schools

  I wasn't homeschooled but I'll say this: Anytime I was put into the "outgroup", I think I was worse off because of it. Being challenged in school really wasn't all it was cracked up to be. All of the "advancement" I achieved in that age was self-study after school and on weekends. The "gifted" programs I was a part of just served to separate me from the rest of the kids, and you inherently have to deal with this false idea that you're better or different than other kids for being in those programs. I think that can be _very_ damaging for some, I saw it with many of my friends. Especially when it came time for college, turns out most colleges couldn't care less what gifted program you were in when you were young. Most (75%) of my close friends were considered gifted at some point, and very few (<10%) landed in jobs or schools that would be considered prestigious or advanced. Meanwhile, I had a bunch of friends who would be considered "normal" and ended up going to top schools and landing crazy high-paying jobs. Not to say those people ended up living better lives, but when you're told your value comes from high achievement when you're a child and then you don't achieve highly it can mess you up.

  All of this to say, I think schools should be thought of as more of an incubator for social wellness and play with education as a side effect rather than the other way around. If a kid really wants to they can learn as much as they want after school with the infinite knowledgebase that is the internet. If you think about it as a way to develop social skills over straight-up Knowledge, I would personally just put them in public school and avoid the trouble and social removal that comes along with private school.

• by supertofu on 11/14/23, 1:45 AM

  I live in a college town in upstate New York. Almost everyone I know with a child homeschools their child. Almost all of these kids are part of homeschool collectives. These kids are remarkably bright, socially well-adjusted, and most of their programs involve a strong environmental component.

  If I ever have a kid, I will absolutely homeschool them.

• by bitlax on 11/14/23, 8:42 AM

  Yup. My kids are ahead of their peers academically and socially, and it's been a lot of fun. My advice to start would be to start by compiling as many resources as possible. Look at different schools and school systems and look for their grade-level objectives. Learn about high-achieving students and take a look at the resources they use. Brainstorm about what school can be, and what you can do with the tremendous flexibility you've afforded yourself. Set up goals to track your progress. Acknowledge that your child will have strengths and weaknesses. I have a lot to say on the subject that won't fit here, but I think it's hard to do worse than the alternatives if you have an ambitious plan going in.

• by contingencies on 11/14/23, 4:41 AM

  The school makes a huge difference. We tried two, and the difference was like night and day. I learned about the superior option from a friend who was a school principal on her long service leave (year off). She previously did inspection of trouble students, so had her finger on the pulse. She let me know where to look, and it was a great help. So maybe call up the local education office and have an off the record chat with the people who inspect/resolve issues with home school children's learning, those people will know where the best programs are. In our case, out of state.

• by eqvinox on 11/14/23, 7:34 AM

  For the sake of perspective/completeness: No — homeschooling is illegal in my country. (Though I wouldn't do it even if it was legal.)

  (The thread title is "Do You Homeschool?", as opposed to "How Do You Homeschool?" or "What are your experiences homeschooling?")

• by kdwikzncba on 11/15/23, 11:14 AM

  May I ask...

  I have a toddler (2yrs), and I'm someone who is very concerned with the quality of education accessible to me/my kid and who's toyed with the idea of homeschooling. My biggest concern is the amount of time it requires. I think that effective homeschooling on limited time relies on the child spending large periods of time self-studying. At this stage due to his young age I don't yet know if he has the kind of personality/interest.

  Would someone here share numbers? How many hours do you work a day, how many hours do you spend homeschooling your kid, and how many hours does your kid spend by themselves studying?

  Thank you

• by throwitaway222 on 11/13/23, 11:27 PM

  https://www.reddit.com/r/homeschool/

• by sputknick on 11/14/23, 2:54 AM

  MY wife and I have homeschooled our two kids through high school. It's been a positive experience for everyone. MY response to concerns that you might not have the skills, I bet whatever skills you lack can be more than made up for by teaching at a ratio of 1:1 and being able to tailor things. If you need help my wife has a homeschool blog with a lot of resources to help you get going: organizedhomeschooler.com

• by pacomerh on 11/14/23, 12:23 AM

  Our case is different because our kid is only 6, but homeschooling for us has been great, and fits our lifestyle. Besides his regular academic activities at home he has outside classes every day of the week where he gets to socialize with other kids, art, sports, etc. There are even groups of other homeschooling parents that get together. It's a learning process of course, but what isn't?

• by person- on 11/13/23, 11:38 PM

  we had a wonderful success taking our children into homeschooling, you might be wondering what happened. Well due to excessive bullying and just altogether miserableness we decided to take them out of school to homeschool which was the best decision ever.

• by cvccvroomvroom on 11/14/23, 12:34 PM

  Change schools or move somewhere with better schools.

  Unless you have a stay-at-home spouse and don't care about their socialization, homeschooling is an impractical fad that sabotages children's academic achievement and throws division of labor and specialization of trade to the wind under the mistaken presumption of ability brought on by Dunning-Kruger effect and a willful lack of comparison to the experiences of good schools.