from Hacker News

Twenty-four hours in an invisible epidemic

by dan-g on 10/20/23, 8:09 PM with 56 comments

• by vanilla_nut on 10/20/23, 9:22 PM

  I'm curious if other Americans have any advice about how to make friends. I find it obnoxiously and unnecessarily difficult, and I don't think I'm alone.

  I don't enjoy any of the community or volunteer events in my area (I have tried everything regular, but nothing has stuck). I moved here for work, so I don't have any friends or family support structure in the area. Everyone gets around by car, even though it is extremely walkable here (a personal preference), so I don't even see my neighbors except for when they drive their cars in and out of their driveway.

  I know that social isolation is awful for my health. I know that making new friends can be tough at first; you need to hang out with someone enough times in a row to overcome the initial awkwardness and build up mutual understanding. But how the hell am I supposed to meet up with people repeatedly when I have to bend over backwards to fit socialization in between work, feeding myself, exercising, and cleaning (let alone other tasks)? Not to mention that, even working remotely, I'm often so drained after a workday that I don't feel up to socializing.

  The only place to 'hang out' in most parts is the library (not conducive to chat) and bars/breweries (expensive, unhealthy, and home to a... certain demographic).

  I've heard that other countries supposedly have better work/life balance than the USA. Do folks who have experienced this contrast find it easier to make friends elsewhere?

• by DeIlliad on 10/20/23, 9:31 PM

  I'm an extreme introvert that can go a very long time without human interaction but at a certain point, whether it be weeks or months, I get the urge to talk to someone, go out to eat with someone, do something with someone. This is a real bad place to be because you're fine being alone until you all of a sudden aren't and it feels 10x worse when you look around and see all the people smiling and laughing with friends.

• by SirMaster on 10/20/23, 9:12 PM

  Eh, not everyone has a problem with being alone.

  I feel like this makes it seem like it's a problem for everyone.

  I am alone most of the time and as far as I can tell I have never felt lonely. I am not even quite sure what that feels like, but the descriptions from others make me fairly confident I haven't felt it.

  Why does this make it seem like older males who are alone are just sad and sitting at home bored? I know single older males who are very active outdoors and such and they do all sorts of solo activities.

• by sciolist on 10/20/23, 8:57 PM

  I really enjoy the use of pixel art to convey some message, this and the LLM agent simulation[1] are great examples.

  [1] https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=35517649

• by araes on 10/20/23, 10:29 PM

  I find it interesting how the data on "ladder" vs "time with others" bifurcates. Expect its something with Extrovert / Introvert.

  People in the middle tend to sleep, they don't get a lot of interaction, yet they get some interaction. They're kind of in the "not bad / not great".

  Some people are super happy, and it seems to be directly correlated to Interaction++. Interaction++ -> Happy++.

  Some people are super sad, and it weirdly seems to be directly correlated to Interaction++. And then eventually almost stop interacting. Probably because its always: Interaction++ -> Happy--.

  The chart only really works till the middle, like the article's written from an Extrovert's perspective, like most of existence.

• by Swizec on 10/20/23, 9:07 PM

  All my loneliest moments have been while surrounded by people and all my least lonely moments have been while alone.

  Spending time with people is easy. Making and keeping a real connection, now that's harder.

• by Wowfunhappy on 10/21/23, 3:51 PM

  This might be too specific to my own life, but I'm curious whether children do/should count towards socializing time.

  I'm officially an elementary school teacher as of this fall, so I spend most of my work day "socializing" with other people—they just aren't adults. And they certainly aren't my "friends", although I do genuinely care about them.

  I also don't have my own children (yet), which I imagine would be very different.

• by JohnMakin on 10/20/23, 9:03 PM

  I really wish people would stop this scrolling type of interaction on webpages. It's really not great for disabled people, but to me it's just a super highly annoying way to try to get information.

• by Ylpertnodi on 10/20/23, 9:05 PM

  If there are meant to be images, i didn't get any: otherwise very enjoyable and very spooky, too.

• by rendall on 10/20/23, 9:00 PM

  Men: make new friends now. Elderly isolation is rooted in the habits developed in middle age, and it particularly affects men. Overcome that awkwardness and make new friends.

• by m3kw9 on 10/20/23, 9:12 PM

  I’m “I see all these people socializing and enjoying themselves at eateries, like wtf? How do people actually do that?” type lonely. /jk

• by sfc32 on 10/20/23, 8:49 PM

  What?