from Hacker News

Why it’s so hard to say what you mean

by lpcrealmadrid on 4/20/23, 10:23 PM with 40 comments

  • by smcin on 4/21/23, 2:12 AM

    Your title really sounds more like "I still haven't figured out what I should do with my life: Why I find it hard to sincerely debate what I think my values and aspirations should be".

    That's ok. Life is not an exam and you're not being graded. Not unless you consent to be, and certainly not against other people's criteria, figure out your own. When you say "performative" and "vicarious", sounds like you're afraid to articulate what you think might interest you. Douglas Adams, Mike Rowe, Sean Aiken ("The One-Week Job Project: One Man, One Year, 52 Jobs") etc. tried out a ton of stuff before they eventually found their calling.

    For example, recast "II. my experiment with TFA" to "what I expected about the job, career, teaching, my aptitude, my motivations" vs "what I learned about each of those". If you want to update that section, I think people would be interested in rereading the details. Looking forward, how can you now apply what you've learned about all of that? Let your glass be half-full on that. Each of us has had experiences we were unsuited for, that's part of life, just don't become paralysed with analysis, too much analysis is as bad as none at all. (TFA famously has low retention rate, for multiple reasons, btw.)

  • by sublinear on 4/21/23, 4:36 PM

    Are people really still stuck on the whole self-help thing in 2023?

    Striving for continuous improvement can be a horrible treadmill that just keeps you sad because you are never good enough. It's a repackaging of your own awful stubbornness sold back to you. Inevitably you will have to stop self-flagellating and ruminating endlessly or you'll never be able to enjoy your life.

    Mistakes are not proof that you need to improve or evidence of what you do or don't know. They're just proof that you're human and aren't foolishly consistent. You can't create much without some enjoyment. If your ego still wants you to be the greatest that ever lived, that's ok go for it, but what it takes doesn't seem to be what many think. It's not how much effort you put into your work, but the thoughtfulness that comes from a state of flow that you can't will into existence consciously.

    Examples are everywhere. Every celebrity, all star athlete, politician, genius, etc. all have flaws and they wildly succeeded despite that. Many of them are obviously bigger pieces of shit than you, or you wouldn't be obsessed with what the media says about them, right? So? Live life and get away from the messages sold to you.

  • by PeterWhittaker on 4/21/23, 1:53 AM

    It seems the author may be on the verge of discovering vulnerability and openness. Opening yourself to others brings connection, empathy, humility, sincerity, and growth.

    It does a good job of getting rid of the last vestiges of TFA’s I-V, too.

    Of course, it can also be scary, but the rewards are tremendous.

  • by yosito on 4/21/23, 1:56 AM

    The author seems to have trouble saying what he means in the headline because the article doesn't answer the question at all.
  • by drewcoo on 4/21/23, 1:20 AM

    Um . . . it's not.

    It's just hard to understand what all those allistic people mean. Why do they say false things all the time and why is that socially normal? How is falsehood the acceptable norm but not truth?

    Things like this article try to construct frameworks for the falsehoods.

    Boo! Boo!

    /self throws rotten tomatoes

    Boo!

  • by aschearer on 4/21/23, 1:39 AM

    Good luck in your search, Ammar. Thanks for sharing.
  • by neovialogistics on 4/21/23, 6:59 AM

    Recommendation for anybody who is in the place the article describes: the book "What to say after you say hello."
  • by sjducb on 4/22/23, 10:53 AM

    I think he's talking about the struggle to be authentic, and why it's hard to be authentic.