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Ask HN: Am I wrong to think this is disrespectful?

by debuggerpk on 10/23/22, 8:21 PM with 54 comments

• by davismwfl on 10/23/22, 8:28 PM

  Unless you two had discussed it in some prior conversation, it is a red flag IMO and I'd be cautious with this person in any capacity. Doing this without having a chat about it, is disrespectful IMO as well. It also shows a lack of foresight into what might cause team issues too. So it is a warning sign on multiple levels, at least to me.

• by relaunched on 10/23/22, 10:44 PM

  Don't ever make a person show you who they really are, twice.

  If you decide to move forward with this person, this is the type of behavior you are always going to have to look out for. You shouldn't allow yourself to every be surprised, nor should you leave any ambiguity with anything.

  Then, ask yourself, "Is this the type of person I want to co-found a business with?"

  Good luck.

• by codingdave on 10/23/22, 8:45 PM

  Whether or not it is disrespectful, it is a red flag that the two of you are not communicating well. In the case of choosing a co-founder, "Maybe" means "No.", so I'd step away from working with him.

• by kypro on 10/24/22, 1:18 AM

  Stupid question, but does he understand the weight of what he did?

  I say this because I was working on a startup several years back and one day I got chatting with my friend's brother about it. He seemed interested and I suggested he could help out if he wanted. Anyway a few days later I found that he listed himself as a "co-founder" of my startup on Linkedin.

  I wasn't mad or anything - it was in such early stages it's not like it really mattered. But I spoke to him about it a few days later and he seemed really embarrassed about it and acknowledged he should have asked me first, but explain he was just really excited to be part of it and got carried away. I thought was kinda cool if anything because I sensed he didn't mean any harm by it and he just wanted to put his name to something he was excited about and the "co-founder" title sounds cool to some people.

  I guess what I'm trying to say is that some people really just like titles and he may not realise why what he is doing is wrong. I'm guessing that's not the case, but worth getting his perspective first maybe?

  Otherwise I'd echo what others have said here. Seems like a red flag if he understands what he's doing.

• by lazzurs on 10/23/22, 10:24 PM

  I think if you can’t both have a conversation about this easily then getting into business together might not be a good idea. Times are going to be tough and you need to not sweat the small stuff together.

  If you can sit down and have a chat then all good and do so. Go have fun.

• by 1123581321 on 10/23/22, 9:29 PM

  I would say that if this is a misunderstanding or a joke, and you’re able to directly communicate that he’s not a cofounder yet, then you may be able to work together.

  If you can’t bring yourself to say that to him, you won’t have a productive relationship (and you will also have trouble dealing with employees well.)

  If he did this as an overt power grab, that’s obviously not okay, but that’s so straightforward that I don’t think it’s what’s prompting you to ask, here.

• by lioeters on 10/23/22, 11:00 PM

  Disrespectful and unprofessional. Like another commenter said, this is exactly the kind of person who will kick you out of your own company.

• by felipellrocha on 10/23/22, 9:50 PM

  I wouldn't say it's disrespectful, but I'd bring it up with him, and explain: "You've been helpful, but the CEO role will be mine." If he balks, move on. Simple as that. You don't have to be assume this is a huge issue until a conversation is had, and even then, if he tries to make it into a big issue you can choose to move on from him.

• by Raed667 on 10/23/22, 8:38 PM

  Yeah I had a friend that started pulling titles and ranks even before the first slide was ready. I think he watched The Social Network one too many times.

  Great friend, but had to say no to working with him.

• by dmak on 10/24/22, 2:22 AM

  I think this is a red flag, but it wouldn't hurt to give the benefit of the doubt here and just hop on a call and ask what is this CEO title about. Just listen intently and see what they have to say. If you can't confront a cofounder about shit like this, then it's not worth the business marriage.

• by aristofun on 10/24/22, 2:09 AM

  Whay cant you 2 just have an open sincere conversation about this?

  Considering how little (none) we know about the two of you and the details of the situation described — how can you possibly expect any advice worth anything from here?

  I am really curious what was your internal dialogue and intentions about posting this?

  Sorry if it sounds rude.

• by Aleksdev on 10/23/22, 11:30 PM

  Seems like a huge red flag. Also it comes off as unprofessional. This is something you are showing to investors. You need to be very accurate with your slides. If it says he is a cofounder and CEO and he is not, then what does that say about your company? It makes you seem like you are not serious.

• by el_dev_hell on 10/23/22, 11:10 PM

  You've given us a few paragraphs about the situation. No one here can tell you if he was attempting to disrespect you.

  I'll note that you've called this person a friend in your post, so it's likely you know them pretty well. Instead of asking strangers on the internet with only a very reduced understanding of your relationship dynamic and past conversations, why not have a chat with your friend and ask them directly?

  If you're considering this person as your cofounder, you're going to need a strong communication foundation. Getting offended by a perceived lack of respect (which could be valid, but it doesn't sound like you're sure they meant offence since you're asking the question here) is not a good place to start any business relationship.

• by xupybd on 10/23/22, 10:56 PM

  Wow a lot of strong advice here. If he's your friend sit down and talk. This may have been a miscommunication. Just be up front and open about your concerns. Don't make any rash moves until you know what happened.

• by stjohnswarts on 10/24/22, 1:48 AM

  Nip this one in the bud right now. Be transparent with your partners, always, and expect the same. Don't be surprised if he has some feedback for you as well :) and you might not like hearing it at first, but you have to do this stuff. It's better to find out now, far far better. It's usually miscommunication and not a character flaw. The human mind tends to drift to the more negative "why" rather than just "miscommunication probably".

  Also I found with my first business keeping a journal for the business was also useful so I could refer back. The human mind isn't really photographic so much as a fuzzy merge algorithm and memories change over time, and it's useful to write these critical points down, and some things won't seem "critical" right now but will become so. I am a journal-whore though and I advocate keeping a few different ones. Don't write a novel, I tend to write bullet points as it keeps me from rambling, like I am currently.

• by sn0w_crash on 10/23/22, 8:54 PM

  You should thank them and move on.

  This is the type of person whose first move will be to remove you from the company.

  Do not ever, ever work with this person. Ever again.

• by gus_massa on 10/23/22, 8:55 PM

  It looks like a red flag, but just in case you want to go on, remember "4 year vesting with 1 year cliff".

• by yuvalr1 on 10/23/22, 9:08 PM

  I think that it all depends on how the communication between you two works. If, for example, you are used to such inner jokes, like giving yourselves exaggerated titles, or maybe even if this is his bold way of asking to join you, it's completely fine.

  However, you felt the need to come and ask other people. It means you don't feel comfortable talking to him. You two don't communicate well together and you don't trust him. Communication and trust are the most important things. I would have probably avoided.

• by unraveller on 10/24/22, 6:43 AM

  Why are you relinquishing work for a public facing role if you don't want him to imagine taking over as the main presenter? That role is synonymous with CEO in pitch deck world.

  On the other hand if he is well aware that you are Mr. front man supreme presenter (just pressed for time/content) than he made an offensive slide and is not even cofounder material, which he may have been due had he not been caught angling to be negotiated down from CEO.

• by Forge36 on 10/24/22, 12:29 AM

  Ask them why they added it. It could be a poorly received joke, or a serious misunderstanding.

  Until you talk with them assume joke (prior knowledge you haven't shared not withstanding). It's not clear who poorly communicated, and the worst thing you can do is say nothing after having posted here. Part of clearly communicating is catching when you're making assumptions, and asking questions directly to the person to learn more.

• by labrador on 10/24/22, 12:25 AM

  It sounds like a misunderstanding on his part. Maybe he misinterpreted something you said. Have you brought it up with him?

• by noobermin on 10/24/22, 2:40 AM

  To be very frank, I don't know why you need a second opinion, isn't it obvious this was a wrong and improper action and you probably shouldn't enter any business relationship with said person? I'm surprised this needs to be asked at all, much less on an internet forum.

• by molotovh on 10/24/22, 11:53 AM

  The CEO of the start up where I used to work had the following advice for co-founders: "If you want to work with friends, make sure they're the kind of friends that you aren't afraid to say 'go to Hell' to once in a while."

  This is a "go to Hell" moment.

• by esjeon on 10/24/22, 2:12 AM

  I think that's the kind of a joke I would pull, but it also depends on the situation. Doing that right in front of an important pitch is a bad idea per-se.

• by ozarker on 10/24/22, 1:23 AM

  I'd double check with him that it isn't a joke. I have a dumb sense of humor and could see myself doing something like this to a friend :)

• by ilaksh on 10/24/22, 2:39 AM

  It seems not only disrespectful but comically tactless.

• by iinnPP on 10/24/22, 2:31 AM

  Do you trust your gut? You know what to do either way.

• by ProjectArcturis on 10/23/22, 10:55 PM

  Huge red flag. Run.

• by pengaru on 10/24/22, 4:02 AM

  Douche bag move, obvious red flag.

• by sibeliuss on 10/24/22, 5:15 AM

  Dude, run. Not ok!

• by joshxyz on 10/24/22, 7:11 AM

  i will keep this person out of my life period.

• by nyc_data_geek1 on 10/23/22, 11:27 PM

  Red flag.

• by brudgers on 10/23/22, 8:55 PM

  Is your ego more important than moving the company forward?

  Good luck.