by patrickz on 4/6/22, 6:39 AM with 247 comments
by PragmaticPulp on 4/6/22, 12:12 PM
I was starting to feel this way before I had kids, but having kids completely changed everything for the more interesting.
It’s funny because it’s the exact opposite of what I was told would happen: The story goes that you have kids, lose yourself, and become a boring old parent. Instead, I’m never lacking for fun or creative ideas because I can pick up a creative and hilarious child and go do literally anything together and we’ll have a good time. I’m meeting more new and interesting people than I have at any point since college simply by doing parent things and meeting other parents. I still have time to work on one specific side project, but I’ve learned to stop grinding through the side projects that I didn’t really enjoy anyway. Becoming a parent is a great forcing function to get out and shake up your priorities.
Obviously I’m not recommending becoming a parent as a solution to this problem. However, I wanted to note that the realities of becoming a parent are literally the opposite of what I was led to believe by peers and social media while growing up. Contrary to everything I was told, it’s actually the childless people and couples I know who are entering these periods of “boring” where they struggle for interest or motivation or meaning, while us parents are off having an extremely non-boring and fun time with this new chapter.
by nonrandomstring on 4/6/22, 10:13 AM
A lot of pain seems to come from a poor vocabulary about feelings. What is boring? It's a weak and flattened word like the feelings it's used about.
Do you mean avolition, acedia, irascibility, dissatisfaction, insensibility, repression, discouragement, ambivalence, anxiety? The Psychology of the Emotions by Neal Burton is a fair place to continue the introspective journey you've started [1].
> I lost my creativity and the sense of wonder I used to have in childhood. I am no longer curious because I am settled for the world as it is. I accept things the way they are instead of imagining how they could be.
Comfortably Numb. There's a dose of it going around. Don't worry it's an acute condition. All progress depends upon the unreasonable man. You need to stop being reasonable. Take a good look at the world, and notice there's still plenty to be really, healthily angry about, and so much to be joyously in love with. Just don't give in to ambivalence or settle for the illusion of comfort and safety life seems to be showing you. Take a risk on it.
[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201601...
by rr808 on 4/6/22, 11:57 AM
by last_one_in on 4/6/22, 12:01 PM
by superasn on 4/6/22, 9:00 AM
I think you need some small wins to keep your motivation going. I read this quote here on hacker news which was very eye opening for me at the time(1). This idealogy of using small wins while you're chasing a big win has helped me a lot when things aren't going your way. I'm a indie hacker too would be happy to tell you some strategies I've developed for creating small wins (though most of them are very specific to my product / industry so I can't say how useful it would be to you)
by burntwater on 4/6/22, 4:22 PM
I recently moved across the country and currently have precisely nothing happening outside of work; no friends, no family, no romantic partners or dates. I got so bored, I finally setup my dusty, unused piano keyboard, installed a piano learning app on my iPad, and started working through the basics.
It's like a fire was lit in my brain. Or an explosion, or something. I haven't felt that energized in ages. I've been practicing every day since, sometimes for upwards of 2 hours straight (my grade school music teachers would be shocked to hear that). I quickly realized the limitations of the first keyboard (a Roland Go:Keys) and went searching for a "real" digital piano. The first time I laid hands on the keyboard I ended up purchasing (a Korg) I felt an immediate sense of calm and happiness.
I have a couple theories for why I've reacted this way, when I've struggled with so many other things I want to learn: - Music uses an entirely different part of the brain from my technical day job. - There is immediate progress. - Likely related, but I took a couple years of lessons in grade school. I'm likely feeling the reawakening of long dormant brain connections. Which strengthens the above two points.
It has only been a week, honestly only time will tell how long this lasts, but maybe it's jump started I needed to move on to other things I want to learn and be less boring.
by shaftoe444 on 4/6/22, 8:41 AM
by boh on 4/6/22, 1:58 PM
Accepting reality is often expressed as settling into some depressing malaise, while "imagining" something "better" is the more proactive, positive choice by default. I will make a bet that whatever spurt of creative "not boring" thing the writer does next will distract for some time and then they will be right back where they started from.
The world needs more people capable of dealing with "the world as it is" and make the boring choice of taking responsibility for it. It's doing the long, boring, thankless tasks that this requires, instead of flailing around in the shallow depths of narcissistic self-actualization, that grants purpose and meaning to what you do. Don't let culture bully you into it's incoherent projections of success and relevance. Being committed,consistent, focused and responsible is boring. Be boring.
by brittonrt on 4/6/22, 6:56 AM
So my long-winded point is, I don't think there's anything wrong with this. Only you know what your interests are, but don't be afraid to follow them wherever they lead. If you aren't bored, you aren't boring.
by shaftoe444 on 4/6/22, 8:52 AM
A simple idea is to take things you enjoy and do them with other people, for me this meant doing classes at the gym instead of working out at home, booking art classes rather than trying to learn from a book. In some cases this has been amazing (I found an olympic weightlifting class that is the most fun I've had in years), in some cases not so amazing but still glad I tried.
Also I have started meditating (again within a teacher). For me the chief advantage of this is to start noticing your own patterns, and to be more deliberate in what you do. It has helped.
ymmv
by donatj on 4/6/22, 11:44 AM
God that strikes close to home.
I have genuinely pondered how 10-15 years ago when I didn’t know what I was doing, I had a million project ideas and just went for them with no real plan. Some of them panned out, most of them didn’t. Many I still maintain today came out of that raw energy. These days when I do (rarely) come up with a project, I know off the bat how I am going to build it. I’ve been blinded to possibility by my own experience.
by codingdave on 4/6/22, 11:08 AM
So if the author has problems they want to fix with their work or life, by all means fix them. But "being boring" is not a problem in and of itself.
by IceDane on 4/6/22, 12:39 PM
What we have instead is now some kind of social-media-fueled, angst-driven obsession about self-optimization. Everyone is constantly obsessed with themselves and their own performance in every aspect of life.
Are you efficient enough? Are you productive enough? Are you eating healthy enough? Are you fun enough? etc
As if this wasn't enough, we can't really decide which way we want to go. Because you can't be too efficient or productive, either, since you should obviously also be relaxing and unstressing enough. And spending enough time with your family. But also writing that blog, creating side projects, and so on.
In the end this just creates an endless cycle of sadness and frustration because you're not a machine. You can't fulfill all the unrealistic goals you've set for yourself because you're not a robot.
I've given up on trying to pursue these unrealistic goals and trying to constantly self-optimize. It doesn't mean I'm just content to wallow in my own filth or that I give up on life. It just means I'm not gonna write a blog post about myself where I call myself boring because I'm not able to magically conjure up a viral side project. It means I'm not gonna compare myself to countless youtubers or instagrammers who paint the prettiest pictures of themselves they can.
by ganzuul on 4/6/22, 12:15 PM
This is an important faculty for your happiness and creativity. It does not care at all for your logic and reasoning, and thankfully so because our minds would otherwise quickly dispose of it as error and synesthesia.
Now that you know that the sanity brought by your enormous intellectual achievements don't bring you happiness, perhaps it is time to explore this insanity that has patiently waited for your attention.
Namaskar, seeker
by evandale on 4/6/22, 1:24 PM
I went jogging/walking yesterday to start out C25K. I got into cycling last year and I've always loved swimming so I was joking all summer that I could do a triathlon if I learned how to enjoy running.
One thing that I might have discovered yesterday is it seems that if I love my equipment I also enjoy using it. I'm so proud of my bike and love it to death and it makes me so happy to pull it out and ride it around. I've been poking around running shoe stores to find a pair of shoes to run in the last few weeks and I absolutely fell in love with the pair I bought yesterday. I felt so happy putting them on yesterday to run in.
I'm not sure what I can do to fall in love with coding again though. I built a brand new computer last year hoping that would make me want to code but it didn't really bring me the joy my shoes or bike brings me. I worry that I'm over programming but I have no idea what I could replace it with to earn a living.
by karmakaze on 4/6/22, 6:14 PM
I went through a period of not having an interest I was passionate about. This normally happens but it was for a longer than usual period. I eventually recognized it and made small efforts to find new interests. The pandemic both forced the situation as well as make space to try out new stuff. One of those long-standing things was to play video games which I enjoyed so much growing up and now can never seem to prioritize. Sure it doesn't necessarily have real-world value, but it's something I could enjoy as a minor pastime as I did Go (board game) when I was on a binge.
The part that seems hard as an older adult is that we have less patience for being bad at something at the start when the going is slow. We have to find a way of enjoying the process rather than the results.
by MrPowers on 4/6/22, 12:10 PM
The best way to expand your perspective of the world is move to a new country with a different culture, learn a new language, and make local friends.
I recently moved to Brasil and am learning Portuguese. The language barrier is difficult. Learning how to communicate indirectly is hard. Understanding the different social norms requires you to question some of your core beliefs. I don't think you can learn any of the core lessons without learning the language.
Travel will put you out of your comfort zone, but you should also start having a lot of fun... the type of fun you used to have with friends when you were younger. Not the buttoned up type of fun you have at a dinner party with acquaintances.
by mattjaynes on 4/6/22, 2:03 PM
I was a teenager and was getting a ride home from a friend of the family.
He asked "How's life going"
And I was in the midst of answering "It's bor.."
But he cut me off and said "Don't say 'it's boring'. ONLY BORING PEOPLE GET BORED."
It was like a splash of cold water in my face, and I always remembered that.
Whenever I start feeling bored now, I remind myself of that quote and start mentally exploring ways to shake things up and break out of the rut. If my mind isn't feeling that creative, then I start looking at what others are doing in my situation and often I'll find some thread of their creativity that I can use to get myself started.
The more you fear being labeled as "boring", the more motivated you'll be to avoid those doldrums.
by andrewstuart on 4/6/22, 8:42 AM
by psim1 on 4/6/22, 1:40 PM
by ed-209 on 4/6/22, 12:22 PM
by buro9 on 4/6/22, 11:00 AM
I agree with this, or rather... I think we need to live life full of hope and wonder. That when we do, we deeply experience things, and we get excited by things. Excitement itself is infectious, it brings other people along.
Somewhere in there is an essence of an idea, that to build something that makes someone else excited such that they want to use it, we must be excited by it and full of hope for what it can be and wonder for what it is. To even present things to others, such as a thing we've been working on, we must feel that excitement and express it.
I don't agree with the "I'm boring" sentiment, no-one is boring. But having hope and wonder can fuel excitement and that is a very good way to get others excited too.
by apalmer on 4/6/22, 3:03 PM
For instance, you have decided the issue is 'being boring' when what you describe is 'being bored'.
Another is you are making the successful roll out of the app the end goal, when there is no indication that 'being boring/bored' has anything to do with success of the app.
As an outsider going by the description of how you provided without taking the solution you provide for granted it seems...
You are bored/dissatisfied with your life, and you are bored/dissatisfied with the project you are working on, but (I think because you are trying to 'focus' and fight distraction) you don't want to admit this as the solution would be to change tack as its basically giving in to your lack of focus
by exodust on 4/6/22, 10:15 AM
You're meant to frame personal objectives in positive terms. Instead of "stop eating junk food", "start eating healthier food". Instead of "stop being lazy", "exercise every day".
Instead of "stop being boring", the objective might be to read more books, or a million other things that result in interesting people.
Also his app is built on the premise that we get distracted easily and can't focus. The success of the app therefore relies on the failure of others. Perhaps a better project is one where the app doesn't start with "you suck, now sign up and you won't suck as much". I'm possibly being unfair. I'm just thinking of ways this dude can make less boring apps.
by cardanome on 4/6/22, 10:44 AM
If you create anything truly revolutionary it will be an uphill battle. You wont be able to communicate what you product does in just a few words. Worse it will require potential customers to actual make a mental shift. You will have lost their attention before you can even get to the benefits. This is why the first one to develop something new will rarely see success, only those later that copy it when the ground work has already been laid.
by nabnob on 4/6/22, 2:01 PM
by teekert on 4/6/22, 8:30 AM
Just talking to myself here ;)
by dspillett on 4/6/22, 4:10 PM
Or you have become bored of your previous interests because you have spent a lot of time with them. Try something new, it might not work out but in taking a break you may find your interest in older interests to be rekindled after the time away.
I used to be a “try everything” developer / sys-admin / blah / blah. Having made a career out of that over the last couple of decades, these days I don't have the same interest I once did. I'm leaving the big re-architecting projects to others who are far more enthusiastic and sticking to support/tinkering that pays the bills these days, and outside of work I've got other hobbies with most of the time I used to spend learning or playing with new techie stuff instead spent running around the countryside and taking part in HEMA stuff. I am starting to get the urge to get back up to speed on some techie things beyond what I need in order to keep being useful in the day job, though that is happening slowly. In the meantime I'm enjoying this current balance and set of interests, maybe it'll stick around long term.
Of course this may not be a suitable attitude for someone for whom being particularly eager & creative is required for the purposes of continuing to pay the bills, and some people just aren't happy with a job, they must have a passion, or feel that not doing much more than getting by now will overly limit their options later, so YMMV.
by jimt1234 on 4/6/22, 6:58 PM
1. Turn off social media. Or at least avoid all the fake, self-promoting garbage.
2. Accept that you're probably not gonna cure cancer or solve cold fusion. Nothing wrong with that.
3. Get a hobby that has NOTHING to do with computers. I like wood-working - building patio furniture, stuff like that.
4. Contrary to #3, get a Raspberry Pi. I've worked on many completely useless, yet totally fun, Pi projects.
by yolo69420 on 4/6/22, 11:26 AM
In other words, figuring out if a potential product could have actual value.
Instead they seemed to have reversed the process, already concluded that writing this app is a good idea, and relied instead of the nebulous and irrational guidance of purely artistic ideas and asking friends for new perspectives.
The same irrational thought process and overreliance on emotions probably combines with their superficial understanding of pop psychology to lead them to conclude that they fall in the 'boring' category of that (honestly) completely arbitrary dichotomy.
by shisisms on 4/6/22, 11:21 AM
Two wonderfully relevant quotes from Adam Philips, that the author may gain from:
> “For the child's curiosity (''this child who can be deranged by hope and anticipation -- by ice cream,'' as Phillips puts it) is the grail for which the adult yearns. When all hope of recovering it, or at least glimpsing it glowing in the distance, vanishes, there is only a terrible emptiness. ''Ecstasy of opportunity'' gives way to a corrosive loss of interest in life.”
> "As always, Phillips prefers not to be too direct. (...) Phillips' own writings are prime examples of what we can achieve if we put aside, at least for a moment, the overly sensible -- and set out to discover what really moves us."
by klik99 on 4/6/22, 12:47 PM
Despite it not /feeling/ good, it's probably a good feeling to have, one that'll push you to new places.
by jkingsbery on 4/6/22, 4:48 PM
by mattgreenrocks on 4/6/22, 12:37 PM
Also, author would do well to get out of their head and do something radically different that doesn’t involve computers.
by unkulunkulu on 4/6/22, 3:55 PM
But thanks to a dusty place…
I was looking for things to improve and have formulated close to a dosen “shoulds” during this time.
I cannot say that this was really helpful, because, you know, how could I know what I should? My knowledge got me here. The shoulds arise from the mind, but how accurate are they? No way to know for me!
Now I come to conclusion that I “should” only accept myself, and look for meaningful experience and people, everything else will happen. Sometimes I’m boring! Sometimes I’m stupid! Sometimes I’m irresposible!
I feel where you are, friend, you will do this!
by i5heu on 4/6/22, 8:44 AM
by eurasiantiger on 4/6/22, 12:41 PM
- horrible mobile experience
- people who are looking for a solution that lets them focus are not inclined to read through the wall of text on the site
- the try-before-you-buy features are lost at a glance and focus easily shifts to the $2.98 part
Why not build the site so that it immediately brings up a simple, self-explanatory UI, especially on mobile? Let the users discover the features and the limitations.
If it’s not usable that way then iterate until it is. Hide the wall of text into some about page.
You will find your lost creativity by ingesting a very small amount of psilocybin mushrooms.
by redleggedfrog on 4/6/22, 2:05 PM
Maybe the problem is all work and no play?
by russellbeattie on 4/6/22, 5:57 PM
I bought a motorcycle last year and I'm not nearly as boring any more. Surprisingly so, if you consider all I did was buy a vehicle and learn to use it. It seems to be a general litmus test: Find a risky hobby and you're mind will be focused and dialed in to what you're doing and others will respect your effort and skill. Scuba, surfing, flying, poker, etc.
by persedes on 4/6/22, 2:06 PM
My favorite anti-inspirational quote I keep coming back to.
by pjerem on 4/6/22, 1:03 PM
I don't know if it will help the author but that touched me. So I share it.
And I'll add that Kurzgesagt is an amazing YT channel.
by m3kw9 on 4/6/22, 5:19 PM
by severak_cz on 4/6/22, 12:03 PM
by newbamboo on 4/6/22, 1:23 PM
by throwaway787544 on 4/6/22, 12:14 PM
by swframe2 on 4/6/22, 5:22 PM
It reminds me of the intel tik/tok product cycle. Look inside for a while then look outside for a while.
by mettamage on 4/6/22, 11:41 AM
This resonates.
by pmoriarty on 4/6/22, 7:02 PM
Learn to enjoy your own company and how to keep yourself from being bored even when you're alone.
Then find others who enjoy doing the things you enjoy, and you can have fun together.
by nomdep on 4/6/22, 2:21 PM
That’s the problem! If you are the target user but don’t want to use it, the product doesn’t work as is, maybe the idea doesn’t work at all, or the focus isn’t right.
by SubiculumCode on 4/6/22, 2:59 PM
by sAbakumoff on 4/6/22, 12:41 PM
nope, you don't. You need to just accept the fact that you are boring AF and live with it.
by thatguyagain on 4/6/22, 12:20 PM
by makach on 4/6/22, 9:57 AM
by hellothree23 on 4/6/22, 1:51 PM
by deathgripsss on 4/6/22, 1:01 PM
by antirez on 4/6/22, 1:22 PM
by difu_disciple on 4/6/22, 6:11 PM
by fleddr on 4/6/22, 10:52 PM
If you're trying to solve people's lack of focus, you first need a solid understanding of what the root cause of that problem is. It could include deep psychological issues that I won't go in to, but root causes that are plain to see and very common are distractions outside one's control (work email, meetings, chat, etc) and distractions due to a lack of self discipline (personal usage of smartphone).
That still is a simplistic picture, but let's use it. Now your app, which is a website, aims to solve this. The first thought here is that an app means even more screen time, but fine.
Your website allows one to set a timer in which the user does a focused task. This doesn't solve the problem. The distractions outside one's control keep coming in nor does this magically fix a lack of self-discipline.
Even if you do believe such a timer helps, because it does something at a subconscious level, how is it any different from using a standard timer app natively available on any device?
The second idea is to play white noise background sounds as it puts one in a focused state. Fine, but why wouldn't I just hit play on one of the hundreds of "focus" playlists found on Spotify or elsewhere?
The third idea, one task at a time, is reasonable. But not valuable on its own, as it still enforces nothing. Plus, people already have task management systems, they don't need one more.
The fourth idea is puzzling, a support network. So I'm finally in a focused state, and then these like-minded people are going to support me: "well done, mate, proud of you". How is that not the opposite of being focused?
Bottom line, you charge money for something that doesn't solve the problem, or is already solved in far more advanced ways, at no charge. For example, both iOS and Android have advanced settings for silent mode, suppressing notifications and time used on "problematic" apps.
Finally, execution is also sub par, as your fellow Indie hackers agreed on.
I truly say with the best intentions that this is a bad idea. And it sucks to work on bad ideas that go nowhere. But you shouldn't feel too bad about that because creating a new idea that monetizes and is sticky is close to impossible, the bar is that high. Most people hardly every install apps and when they do, almost all of them are never opened again.
Do not consider yourself a failure because failure is the norm in such a competitive space.
"I need to pick a fight and stop trying to please everybody."
Yes, fine. But contemplate more about which fight to pick. You're self aware about it, which is good:
"Am I doing the wrong thing again?”, I wondered."
If you suck at separating good ideas from bad ones, which is common, you need better and earlier feedback.
by sercanov on 4/6/22, 1:24 PM
by WaxedChewbacca on 4/6/22, 7:23 AM
Here's my favorite method of self-cultivation: https://library.dhammasukha.org/uploads/1/2/8/6/12865490/the...
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