by ziadbc on 10/3/11, 1:45 AM with 36 comments
by mberning on 10/3/11, 3:15 AM
It's one of those things where you have to go out and press flesh with 100 or 200 people to find one person you REALLY click with. It's overwhelming to me and I'm usually drained after chatting up 10 or 15 people.
On the other hand, I have had pretty good luck dropping in on local and regional forums, chatting about topical stuff, building a rapport with people, and then meeting them in person.
by wallflower on 10/3/11, 2:42 AM
Planning dinner parties. I've actually started doing this. I find that it seems to be a lot harder to plan/execute/have a small (8-10 person) dinner engagement than it is to send out a broad invite to almost everyone you know for a 30 person party - expectations of the host/guests? I don't know why (yet).
The key for a dinner party is to not to try for a weekend night but a weekday night (e.g. Tuesday or Wednesday) - easier to compete against other events on those days than weekend events (which are usually more important/reserved slots). Having non-shows annoy me (but life happens). Always try to invite some couples - that maximizes the invite/halves the required outreach.
I used to consider myself a fairly shy person but the thing is I have run into people at other friends's events who I already know (and my friends are like - you know them already?) Which makes me realize - that I am not as shy as I claim to be. Actions speak more than your beliefs? I like to try to run in many circles (albeit loosely connected). I have not yet managed to bring disparate social circles together on a regular basis (outside of a big party) but that is my goal. I have had at least two instances of people meeting and dating - so by that metric - I have succeeded.
As I heard once, it is very hard to be the global maximum (e.g. POTUS). Harder to be the regional maximum. But at your own party, at your own event, by definition - you are the local maximum. The host, the one who brought everyone together. That counts for a lot.
Good luck and just get it going. Don't wait for your dinner party/bar crawl to be perfect. All you need is two people with you to not feel like a social pariah. Because you are not one.
by iamelgringo on 10/3/11, 2:30 AM
Meet at least one or two new people every couple of days. And, meeting people online... much different than spending an hour with them over coffee.
After a few years, you'll be amazed at the opportunities that become available.
by jmspring on 10/3/11, 3:28 AM
Then, a funny thing happened, I realized a number of people were in the same boat, scratching their heads at who these people were. I had a couple of very good conversations with an Accenture Consultant who had travelled to some of the same countries as I have recently; as well as someone I did recognize but never spoke much with who has a startup doing pretty well in the mobile space.
My takeaway -- when thrown into a big group, especially one with certain baggage attached, it is best to just let go and take the time to chat. A simple hello, how are you, what do you do/what have you been up to, only takes a few minutes. In most cases, it might be considered a "waste of time" but there will be moments where something unexpected comes about.
Furthermore, if you are like me -- someone who tends to prefer the intimate/known to vast wilderness -- it might do you some good to branch out.
by EGreg on 10/3/11, 3:44 AM
First of all, organizing things that others will enjoy is certainly a great way. But you also have to motivate people to bring their friends, otherwise you'll always be seeing the same people. People bring their friends when there is something they really want them to experience, so that's what you should focus on.
Also, meeting people is a great way to realize that you can outsource responsibilities to others, something that can actually "scale". Often this allows you to network to the right people. The key here is not to be perfect, and not to put too much responsibility on yourself. For example, you want to bring together two groups of people (men and women, say, or investors and entrepreneurs) that would really like to meet each other. You want to cultivate an aura of quality (i.e. the men and women are exceptionally attractive for whatever reason) and selectiveness in order to inspire people to perpetuate this selectiveness and recommend it to their friends. Suddenly the experience is created not just by you, but by this self perpetuating aura of exclusivity.
Being the facilitator and helping people meet each other actually gets you a lot of points, which you can use later when you need a favor yourself.
If you're coming as a guest, though, there is a real economics that starts happening, and a currency. Perhaps it is unfortunate from an idealistic point of view, but that's the way it works in many conferences, nightclubs, etc.
In general, though, if you want to come to events as a guest, you probably want to be invited either by the organizer or by a regular. If it's the organizer, you'd ideally like to bring some "high quality" friends to the event (such as fellow smart engineers) and introduce them to the organizer, so the organizer will want to invite you again.
Additionally you can form a little "group" that tells each other about events and invites each other. At these events, when you talk to someone important, you can tout the other people in the group instead of bragging about yourself, and they would do the same for you. As a result, you are able to meet many more people through your "network" who is out there meeting people in 10 different places and filtering them for you, because you yourself can be in only one place at a time.
How to start motivating people you know to start networking wherever they are and mentioning you when the opportunity comes up? You have to start doing it for them first. Ask for their business cards. You have to hook people up with opportunities and then ask them to go out and do the same for you. Give them your business cards.
by alain94040 on 10/3/11, 3:12 AM
The trick is to be genuinely interested in what other people are doing. If you go to any event trying to sell [yourself|your product] you'll look like a jerk.
by gigawatt on 10/3/11, 3:35 PM
The cold email advice at the bottom is spot on too. In the last couple months, I've had lunch with two rather well-known people in my field who I have tons of respect for. In both cases, I cold emailed them and asked to get together.
by aklemm on 10/3/11, 2:41 AM
by ggr on 10/3/11, 2:32 AM
by bricestacey on 10/3/11, 2:39 AM
by bootload on 10/3/11, 4:04 AM
No mention of body language? "Body Language Basics", Navarro, Joe. ~ http://www.psychologytoday.com/print/72334