from Hacker News

Ask HN: How to deal with death of a loved one

by alexitosrv on 2/23/22, 4:59 PM with 3 comments

Hi all,

My dad (67) died from covid complications one week ago, and I'm simply numb. I think on all the variations of what-ifs that could have avoided his infection, or in different ways in which he could have been treated much earlier whatsoever. He was a great man and I loved him very much, but even though I still have my mother and my sister, I feel robbed of more time with him.

I am in my forties, so not a youngster any more, but I still hate all of this.

This post is more like a cry for help on how to deal with death, from a practical viewpoint. I feel powerless, and even at work I feel so demotivated. My boss and colleagues told me that I can take all the time I need, but there is also so much paperwork to do after one dies, that I end up exhausted and without seeing the meaning of doing anything at all.

  • by EngCanMan on 2/23/22, 5:27 PM

    Sorry for your loss.

    Your father would not want you to stop your life. You cannot change the past, only the future. Take the lessons he taught you in his life and his passing to make the future better for you and your loved ones. Slow down, spend time, pay it forward as he did for you.

    https://youtu.be/PuPYIfcSz_Y

    All the best.

  • by ytNumbers on 2/23/22, 5:36 PM

    Let me start by offering my condolences on your loss. I know that this must be an incredibly difficult time for you. Since you asked for advice, I'll begin with the obvious: You should consider taking at least a week off from work. The work will still be there when you return. I'd also recommend not trying to rush the grieving process. I would, however, encourage you to (for now) put out of your mind all of the "woulda, coulda, shoulda's" because anything that resembles assigning blame is not going to be helpful to you. You've now embarked on a difficult journey. Embracing that journey is one way to honor the memory of the loved one you've lost.

  • by nojokes on 2/23/22, 8:24 PM

    I am sorry for your loss.

    I lost my father early. Much earlier than you did. I am sure his death could have been avoided by different life decisions. I have also lost my friend. In the end the end is end and regret does not bring anybody back. Still feeling sad is humane. You probably need some time for mourning. To not forget but to accept the new reality without him.