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Ask HN: How to Live Alone

by mesaframe on 12/3/21, 6:58 PM with 19 comments

• by brudgers on 12/3/21, 7:25 PM

  This is the kind of goal a competent licensed clinical therapist can sometimes help with. I mean there's a lot of detail about why and how and what that isn't in the few words you've written...and well there are also months and years there too.

  Anxiety is a mental health condition. Addressing it as such can be a good idea sometimes. Good luck.

• by crate_barre on 12/4/21, 7:28 AM

  I usually have a few Discord channels open to a few different interests if I need to shoot the shit. Look for subreddits with Discord channels. I usually have wallstreefbets, a few game channels that I play, maybe some general news channels. I don’t mind banter, the peanut gallery is always amusing.

  And HN of course, this place moves fast so you can always strike up a convo about anything usually.

  I’d urge you to come terms about your loneliness. Solitude is not the same as loneliness, as there are many ways to find interaction via the web.

  Most of all debilitating loneliness usually comes from a lack of a companionship, usually romantic in nature. Don’t confuse that with other things, as there are plenty of high-energy, ready to talk 24/7 people online all over the place.

  Some Discord channels have the same talkers at certain hours, and people become acquainted with the usual crowd pretty quick. I’d like it if HN had one to be honest.

  I don’t remember what it was like in the IRC days, but I’d like to imagine it was similar to something like this.

• by necovek on 12/3/21, 7:18 PM

  First up, everyone is different. Some people can be alone for days without fuss, others feel like you.

  I can easily do days without other people, but I would keep myself very busy (hobbies, sports, projects, books...).

  If you are unused to it, avoid just passing time doing nothing or watching TV, find a purpose to your alone time.

  If you can't, don't sweat it and find a roommate or a partner :)

• by htstgrgear on 12/3/21, 9:11 PM

  I really enjoyed living alone after college. I really love solitude and freedom when you are alone.

  I think, for me the key was that I had enough friends who I can visit anytime without any advance notice. Also back then I worked from office, so I had plenty of in person interactions during the week.

  Another thing, I used to hangout in coffeeshops and bars, if feeling lonely.

• by readonthegoapp on 12/4/21, 12:45 AM

  Constant human interaction? def seems like some counseling might be in order.

  that said, i suspect living alone is _not_ normal -- meaning, humans prob evolved to live together in at least small+ groups.

  most people that live alone, they haven't _really_ lived alone, imo -- b/c pre-covid, we used to be able to interact, date, etc.

  not anymore. bigpharma owns us.

• by prirun on 12/4/21, 1:28 AM

  > It's simply not possible for me to live without constant human interaction.

  It is possible, because many people do it. But if you have already made up your mind that you cannot do it, then you cannot.

  My suggestion would be to change your mind and decide that you can live without constant human interaction and want to figure out how to do that. Then put in some effort to figure out things that make you feel good while being alone.

  Others have posted about pets. I agree, they are great companions. Spend some time volunteering in a local pet shelter to see if you might like a pet. Having something else alive in the house makes it feel less like you are living in a box.

  Learning how to be happy and make the best of your life is a lifelong project. It requires effort every day. If you are lazy about your life, you'll likely be unhappy with it too.

• by drakonka on 12/4/21, 12:10 PM

  What are you anxious about when living alone? Just being alone, or the thought that something might happen to you and no one would know?

  I love living alone, but sometimes at night I do get a pang of anxiety: what if I choke on something and there's no one around to help?!

  Other than that, I love having my own space with no one but my cats around. I think my ideal living situation with a partner would be either us having two separate apartments nearby or at _least_ one larger house where we each have our own dedicated space to retreat to (for days, if desired). The thought of being around someone else 24/7 just sounds stressful and no matter how comfortable I feel with the person I'm never _fully_ relaxed until I am alone.

• by fivelessminutes on 12/3/21, 7:07 PM

  Consider getting a cat? They can be another 'person' sharing your life and a physical comfort.

• by freemint on 12/3/21, 7:05 PM

  It is possible at all but it is not possible for everyone (or most). It's a question of upbringing, mental health and personality as well as which activities are available.

• by leff_f on 12/3/21, 7:11 PM

  It really depends on on why would you do it in the first place.

• by pkrotich on 12/3/21, 7:15 PM

  I would say get a dog but you mention human interactions.

  Perhaps move close to family? Live with parents?

  I’m the opposite- I love being alone a little too much for comfort.

• by poetically on 12/3/21, 7:05 PM

  Most people aren't cut out for solitude but if you want to get better at it then meditation is a good way to get better at it.

• by 8b16380d on 12/4/21, 12:08 PM

  Have a kid