from Hacker News

Steps Towards Happiness (2015)

by wheresvic4 on 11/14/21, 7:49 AM with 165 comments

by biophysboy on 11/15/21, 4:10 PM
Another thing I think that is worth remembering for nerdy, passionate, and driven people is that sometimes the sacrifice you are ostensibly making for your future happiness is worthless or may even backfire.
For the longest time, I felt that persevering past my exhaustion point was virtuous and would pay dividends in the long run. And there were cases where this was true (e.g. meeting a deadline), but otherwise it was just false. Not only was my short-term happiness harmed, but it wasn't even worthwhile. I was working slower and remembering less.
by vgchh on 11/15/21, 3:50 PM
Few changes that have helped me greatly towards a happier life are:
1. Cutting out alcohol
2. 15 minute meditation before sleeping
3. Regular exercise - e.g from YouTube
4. Eating less…sort of intermittent fasting
5. Reminding myself to do actions/thoughts that my soul would approve of. Others can do what their soul approves of or not. This has been especially useful. For example I am no longer hurt if someone is being mean. Ultimately they have to be a witness to their soul and are probably just having a bad day. I can’t get inside them and fix it for them.
Edit:
These steps have essentially made me more alert - more capable if you will. I am able to deal better with good and bad.
by refurb on 11/15/21, 12:34 PM
To me it’s all about expectations (realistic or not) and wether they are met.
Expect to be poor and if you hit middle class you’ll be happy and grateful.
Expect to be rich and the same outcome will produce depression.
Not to sound like a stoicism fanatic, but that’s one aspect that helps. Reminding yourself of everything you could lose drives some appreciation for what you have, whatever it is.
And yes, acknowledgement that humans evolved to never be satisfied with their current situation helps as well. Breaking free of “things need to get better” is great for mental health but means your also fighting against hundreds of thousands of years of evolution.
by pdimitar on 11/15/21, 12:15 PM
I don't disagree with the article in principle, but to me it seems that us the modern people are pressured much harder than previous generations.
At 41 y/o I have arrived at most of the same wisdom but I can't see how and where can I implement it.
As others commenters said, I wish I could take a pay cut and work on things I love more than my current job. I absolutely can't afford it; not because I can't take the income hit month by month -- I surely can, let's not forget us the programmers are rather privileged -- but I can't afford not saving, especially having in mind where does the world seem to go (potential economical crisis on the horizon).
If I arrive at a point in my life where I can unquestionably abide by the philosophy described in the article, I might cry emotionally, while yelling of pain and happiness at the same time. For now though, it's still not happening.
(And that's leaving aside the fact that I don't necessarily agree that material minimalism leads to happiness necessarily.)
by MauranKilom on 11/15/21, 2:26 PM
I personally subscribe to the advice given in The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck: You only get to choose your struggles in life. Happiness is the transient feeling in having dealt with a problem. You'll never run out of problems to deal with, therefore, the one thing to care about is what problems you end up engaging with (i.e. "give a f*ck about").
To that end, the ten items presented in the article are decent pointers towards "good" problems you might want to have (and which "bad" problems you'd want to avoid). It's part framing and part steering your life circumstances.
by drclau on 11/15/21, 10:41 AM
Every time I hear or read about happiness, I remember this quote from Thomas Metzinger. I hope you’ll find it useful, too:
“Evolution as such is not a process to be glorified: It is blind, driven by chance and not by insight. It is merciless and sacrifices individuals. It invented the reward system in the brain; it invented positive and negative feelings to motivate our behavior; it placed us on a hedonic treadmill that constantly forces us to try to be as happy as possible—to feel good—without ever reaching a stable state. But as we can now clearly see, this process has not optimized our brains and minds toward happiness as such. Biological Ego Machines such as Homo sapiens are efficient and elegant, but many empirical data point to the fact that happiness was never an end in itself.”
— “The Ego Tunnel: The Science of the Mind and the Myth of the Self“, Thomas Metzinger
by BasDirks on 11/15/21, 11:38 AM
I don't like his proposed end goal. His happiness sounds like a mere absense of pain, but other methods will get you there more reliably. I like the first items on his list: go into the world and mess around, but then he begins to prescribe mental cleanliness: finish your plate, associate only with good people, don't cling to material possessions. It's like he's picking arbitrary chapters from Hesse's Siddhartha. I feel in an uncanny valley of dogma.
by virtualritz on 11/15/21, 10:30 AM
'Commute less' should be taken with a grain of salt unless one talks about cars.
Any form of transport I take where I am not driving the vehicle myself gives me time to read, relax, think – even meditate (trains are great for this).
I know for a fact that I read most books/month in my life in times I had a job that included at least 20 mins of commute (one way) on public transport.
by timdaub on 11/15/21, 10:40 AM
Hintjens is quoted too little these days considering how great many of his speeches and essays are. To me, he's the epistemic authority on developing software collaboratively and following his principles has aided my career.
"Social Architecture" should be read by any aspiring open source developer.
by zcw100 on 11/15/21, 1:16 PM
Every time I read something like this I always think they have the causality backward which I think that anyone who has ever suffered from depression can attest to. The food doesn't make you happy, you're predisposed to finding happiness. You wouldn't say that bad food makes you unhappy would you? Disappointed maybe but under normal circumstances it wouldn't cause unhappiness. If you were depressed it might, and you would find it difficult to find happiness in even good food.
Everyone has heard the story of the person who toils under great hardship and still manages to find joy in life. That's sort of the opposite of depression and it isn't necessarily good. People who are content to toil in hardship might find it difficult to motivate themselves to change their situation. It's a balance between the internal and external. Even the definition of what is good food is malleable. The chef or food critic might be repulsed by Taco Bell while someone else might enjoy every bite.
by Communitivity on 11/15/21, 2:32 PM
The man is still a beacon, after dying in 2016, as an engineer and as a person. He wasn't perfect, but he is responsible for a number of things. He co-founded ZeroMQ, created AMQP, was CEO of Wikidot, helped create RestMS and wrote many insightful and illuminating articles, especially on living well and dying well. Every once in a while I find something he wrote that I haven't seen and save it. This is one of those.
by kubb on 11/15/21, 10:06 AM
In a world where you have to be worried about where you're going to live, none of this applies. Survival takes priority.
by globular-toast on 11/15/21, 2:10 PM
I agree with all of the points, apart from one:
> Do things you are bad at
I would actually offer the opposite advice: do things you are good at. The world today is full of "anyone can do anything" and awards for participation etc. But nothing feels better than being good at what you do. I attribute a large amount of my happiness to doing a job that I'm actually good at. I'm better than 99% of people at doing what I do. I don't feel like I'm struggling. I don't feel like I'm inadequate. I feel like I'm useful. I feel appreciated and respected.
I'm all for continual learning and pushing one's boundaries, but start by finding what you are good at. Otherwise you're forever going to feel mediocre and out of your depth.
by SMAAART on 11/15/21, 12:57 PM
Forget being happy. Happiness is a high, therefore temporary.
Seek satisfaction, satisfaction from a job well done after long hard hours of work.
OP touches on this in:
> 2. Do things you are bad at - Learning makes us feel alive. Challenge yourself, and keep proving you can learn. Learn to juggle, to hold your breath underwater for longer, to solve a Rubik's cube. Learn to play music and play for yourself. Learn to paint and draw.
by areichert on 11/15/21, 5:22 PM
A few years ago, I was dealing with some issues around anxiety, so I made a little app for myself to track my daily activities against my mental health (in the form of 3 assessments [0] measuring depression, anxiety, and well-being)
I spent about 9 months logging, and found these to be the top 5 activities that improved my overall happiness:
- 1. Strenuous exercise (e.g. going hard at the gym, playing a sport, taking a dance class, etc.) was a clear winner. (Going for a walk or doing light bodyweight exercises at home helped a bit, but not nearly as much.)
- 2. Creative activities (e.g. writing, playing music, programming), particularly when I could get into a "flow" state.
- 3. Reading long-form content (for at least 20 mins).
- 4. Meditating (for at least 5 mins).
- 5. Spending time with close friends (as opposed to e.g. going to parties with acquaintances).
A lot of these things are fairly obvious (and may also vary a bit by personality type) but being able to see concrete, quantifiable results made it much easier to adopt habits that made me happier in the long run!
[0] https://github.com/reichert621/health/blob/master/server/db/...
by 6ardamu on 11/15/21, 11:57 AM
There are several mentions that Peter died from metastatic cancer. This is not entirely accurate. He choose to leave this world using euthanasia as his last tweet shows[0]. Euthanasia is legal in Belgium.
[0]: https://twitter.com/hintjens/status/783254242052206592?s=20
by yesbut on 11/15/21, 9:56 AM
Anger and happiness are extremes. Shoot for contentment.
by rnkn on 11/15/21, 4:15 PM
> To be happy you must deal with negative emotions. Learn to recognize these in yourself, and deal with them. Anger, self-pity, jealousy, fear, hate, loneliness… set them aside, and let happiness take their place.
And here I was just not setting aside my negative emotions like a sucker.
by have_faith on 11/15/21, 11:02 AM
11. Avoid treading a path of prescriptive platitudes.
Yes I see the irony.
by andygroundwater on 11/15/21, 1:21 PM
This advice is all well and good, but what happens to your state of internal bliss when one of you a-hole neighbors deliberately brings their dog to do its business on your front lawn. No amount to karmic happiness will stop you from wanting just retribution.
by dukoid on 11/15/21, 10:52 AM
Re: "Finish your projects": Don't turn your hobby or side project into another "work": Keep projects small or modular.
by heywherelogingo on 11/15/21, 2:28 PM
One step toward happiness: dismiss these articles. My default browser page shows these endlessly - how to happy, how to worry less, how to live longer, how to get over this, how to embrace that, ... nine times out of ten highly uninformative, targeting every possible little concern or fear, an incessant bombardment of anxiety media. I immediately dismiss all anxiety media.
by vjust on 11/15/21, 2:13 PM
>10. Want nothing, accept everything
"Accept everything" was a big one for me. It helped me deal with anxiety about future, amid uncertainty.
by circlefavshape on 11/15/21, 1:12 PM
> Want nothing, accept everything
This can be a big obstacle to contentment for me and many people I know. It's just so easy to think "What do I want right now/in the future?" and then get down-in-the-dumps because reality doesn't correspond to this totally arbitrary thing you just imagined
by jll29 on 11/15/21, 11:50 AM
There are some pieces of good advice in there, but it is ultimately a selfish list.
"Mingle with others" because it makes _you_ happy implies _using_ other people; a better way is to _serve_ others ("Love thy neighbor like yourself"), which leads to a deeper happiness based on purpose.
by log101 on 11/15/21, 10:48 AM
I don't know why but the first step--invest in your senses seemed to be most insightful one.
by tromp on 11/15/21, 2:00 PM
These two sentences jumped out to me:
> Nothing makes us happier than other people.
> Nothing can make us more miserable than other people.
by cblconfederate on 11/15/21, 4:39 PM
We need a neuroscientific definition of happiness before embarking in dubious exercises
by kovek on 11/15/21, 3:54 PM
Tape your mouth shut when sleeping. Search google/youtube “Mouth taping for sleep”
by joshxyz on 11/15/21, 11:56 AM
Damn, rest in peace hintjens
by farseer on 11/15/21, 12:51 PM
>>Above all, explore the world without desire or demand
Go all Yoda eh?
by lebuffon on 11/15/21, 2:05 PM
For happiness:
"Do more, want less"
```
            Dali Lama
```
by jvanderbot on 11/15/21, 3:32 PM
for a solidly backed, thoroughly researched book on living fulfilling lives that is not Positive Psychology, read Happiness Hypothesis.
by itistricky on 11/15/21, 11:11 AM
The link is weird. What is :99 at the end of it?
by nodejs_rulez_1 on 11/15/21, 9:44 AM
The intentions there are good, but reads bit unrealistic in some places. Being a boomer, author doesn't realise how far financially he is then many people who are younger.
> Stop wasting your time on commuting, boring jobs, meetings, TV. Do only things that you feel are worthwhile, with people you like. If this means a cut in income, so be it.
TV - sure, commuting - thanks to COVID only, the rest - sorry, but I would like a house/pension/family.
by begueradj on 11/15/21, 7:32 PM
finally some genuine found the manual of happiness.
by mitchbob on 11/15/21, 4:12 PM
(2015)