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Ask HN: Why are you a competitive person?

by 2bor-2n on 7/26/21, 1:19 PM with 15 comments

• by throwaway3b03 on 7/26/21, 3:39 PM

  People require affection for the complete development of their nervous system. But sometimes the caregivers can't provide sufficient levels for said healthy development, often leaving a permanent scar in these younglings, a developmental trauma. Such a person won't have a sufficiently developed internal sense of self-worth, self-love and will require more external supply of validation, affection. Succeeding in various endeavors becomes a "life-and-death" issue, because at it's core it's a reflection of the imperious need of a mammal for nurturing by their parents.

  Often, siblings become competitive with each other for precisely this reason. They are competing for the little affection their caregiver provides.

• by AnimalMuppet on 7/26/21, 4:21 PM

  I was competitive because my self-image was wrapped up in being the best in an unhealthy way. Don't cultivate that.

  You don't need to be more competitive. You do need to value yourself well enough that you expect (and insist on) fair treatment for yourself - that you also deserve success, or at least that you deserve recognition and reward for the success that you helped cause.

• by codegeek on 7/26/21, 3:30 PM

  For me, it is not directly about being competitive. I care about my Goals in life for which you need to compete and hence the competitive nature. I particular don't get jealous with others but it is more of a reminder that if they can do it, so can I.

  "always cooperated with other people even at the expense of my own success"

  That is probably because you don't give yourself a lot of importance. Start caring about YOU a lot more than you do. Be selfish. Cooperating with others is not a bad thing but it should not happen at the expense of your goals and needs in life.

• by giantg2 on 7/26/21, 1:40 PM

  I have been competitive. I'm sort of an all-or-nothing person - my level of effort is either below a 5/10 or I'm at a 10/10. I think it's mostly done out of necessity at this point in my life. Like I need to get something done and just do it. When I was younger and played sports it was about just having fun (winning is more fun), doing your best, and not letting the team down.

  I don't feel jealousy about other people's success. Sometimes I do feel that specific people don't deserve it and that there are others who do (not me, but others). I know several people who are younger than me who are much farther in their career. I'm more disappointed by the company screwing me over than the other people not getting screwed over. I guess you could say I'm pissed at the refs for not giving me a level playing field.

  I'm not sure I have much in the way of advice. The only thing I can think of is to step up when you see that people need you. I was an intermediate developer on a team without a tech lead. I saw the team's needs and that nobody else wanted to do it, so I did. The company screwed me over, never even promoted me to senior dev, and outsourced my job. But they can't take the respect I earned from my team and the other teams that I interacted with in that role - they can't take something from you that is earned from those around you. Plus, it can be fun to see coworkers' faces in shock when you tell them your an intermediate developer when they thought you were a senior for the prior couple years they worked with you.

• by PaulHoule on 7/26/21, 1:38 PM

  There are various aphorisms such as ‘100-x % of everything is crap’ where x is a small number.

  Look at it that way and there is plenty of room at the top and when you win it is not like you beat them but they beat themselves.

  My current hustle is subartistic, namely three-sided cards that are carefully designed and printed and also have digital twins linked through QR codes and sometimes NFC.

  I maintain a high production rate and also continuously improve quality, I want people to visit my world which is just a bit better than what they are used to. When I fall short I feed back what I learn to make the next one better. I rarely need post it notes, book marks, or the like because I take notes on reject cards that most people would think are perfectly fine.

  I was a little infatuated with my fitness instructor who also runs a theatre troupe and she invited me to a play she was putting on, I went with my family and sister-in-law. It was awful, one of the actors didn’t even have a clean shirt.

  She did the work to draw me in and I could have been an advocate in so many ways (already I bought 4 tickets to her show) but she blew it.

  So for me being competitive is like that; I go to a a bad show and resolve I am not going to put on a bad show.

  (I am not in "show biz" now but I feel like I compete on some level with every kind of visual art, imaging, entertainment, web service, etc. I look a book set in Palatino and see the serif on an "r" practically making love to the curve of the "s" next to it and think why can't I get my character spacing like that? Maybe two years out I want to do a comedy sketch with a video game character and it seems like an almost impossible mountain to climb but when I do it I want people to unambiguously think it was one of the best things they'd every seen.)

• by strikelaserclaw on 7/27/21, 3:41 PM

  Healthy competition will elevate you to levels you can't go otherwise. Healthy competition isn't about wishing others would fall down, or beating yourself up, it's about pushing yourself so that you can achieve your personal best. There is immense satisfaction in pushing yourself to be the best you can.

• by DrNuke on 7/26/21, 2:34 PM

  Competitiveness may be local/relative (against peers, a la climb the ladder) or global/absolute (against giants, a la advance humanity). In both cases, it is usually healthy at different stages of life if it acts as a nudge instead of an obsession. Obsessive competitiveness is too much too often a high risk / low reward game, but you only live once and then be it as you like: self-reflection and evaluation will however come, later.

• by smarri on 7/29/21, 4:34 AM

  I find I'm competitive with myself rather than trying to do better than others, consistently trying to be better than I was. I think it's partly as I have stretching goals I want to achieve in life, partly because I didn't have much growing up, and deep down I recognise it's probably seeking validation.

• by runjake on 7/26/21, 5:54 PM

  Why do you want to change that?

  You sound fine the way you are, and you can still be successful.

  I find tremendous peace at being almost completely noncompetitive (except when it comes to combat sports, but even then it's pretty friendly.)

  Perhaps work on being more strategic when cooperating with others and learn to watch out for your self-interests better. At the same time, helping other good people will pay dividends, down the road.

• by username90 on 7/26/21, 5:53 PM

  Cooperation and competition are both necessary. You look at competition to see what is possible and then you cooperate to make it happen. Without competition you don't know what to aim for. In the teams you work at likely some others handles the competitive aspects and delegates the necessary information so you don't have to, but someone has to do it.

• by Graffur on 7/26/21, 4:37 PM

  I am not too competitive now but I was when I played soccer. I guess the with soccer the rules are set in place and the arena is standard. The aim is clear and you're there for one reason - to win.

• by marto1 on 7/28/21, 8:37 PM

  it's not really a conscious thing for me. But I can definitely feel it when it happens. Hope I'm not the only one.

• by mattm on 7/27/21, 4:26 AM

  Being good at something is more fun

• by Oliver_Daemen37 on 7/26/21, 1:28 PM

  I think being-competitive is something very much in the human nature tbh

  P.S. By being competitive I am still able to stay a nice person though ;)