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Show HN: Read my semi-stealth copy

by nmaio on 3/29/11, 5:20 PM with 11 comments

I'm trying to come up with a semi-stealth "about" for my newest project. The point is to give a little (clever) insight on the project, but not to give the farm away. Please let me know what you think...

"Want to pay $34/month or get roped into a six month contract? We know the perfect match for you. But it's NOT us.

Want to answer more than 400 pointless questions? We know a place that can give you such harmony. But it's NOT us.

Want to join a site that's all about free and all about flakes? We know a great spot for you to fish. But it's NOT us.

AKChances is different. And different is good."

If you want to see it on the web, the landing page is http://akchances.com and the about is http://akchances.com/about

  • by unignorant on 3/29/11, 7:01 PM

    A few comments:

    I found that page-loads were a bit slow. And if I hadn't come from HN, I doubt that I would have clicked on "learn more", so you may want to move your copy directly to the landing page. Also, you might improve the typography.

    The copy itself seems pretty good. I think you mixed in the right amount of subtlety. If I had to reword:

    ---

    Want to pay $34/month on a six month contract? We have a match for you. But not us.

    Want to answer 400 pointless questions? We can find you harmony. But not us.

    Want something all about free and all about flakes? We have a spot for you to fish. But not us.

    AKChances is different. And different is good.

    ---

    I have little expertise in building/market landing pages, so take my advice with a grain of salt ;-)

  • by Animus7 on 3/29/11, 5:23 PM

    I think this is might be too stealth. I checked out the site and I still have no clue what your company is doing.

  • by PonyGumbo on 3/30/11, 2:05 PM

    Unrelated to your copy, but you probably want to center your background image and set your background color to black, because above 1280x1024 it looks broken (I'm at 1680x1050).

  • by WillyF on 3/29/11, 7:52 PM

    Do you think your market is people who already use dating sites? Or do you think you'll be convincing people to try their first dating site?

  • by revorad on 3/29/11, 6:04 PM

    This is much better stealth - http://dabble.in/