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Ask HN: Covid-19 is it unreasonable for my wife to ask

by uptownhr on 4/8/20, 2:27 AM with 24 comments

• by esaym on 4/8/20, 2:57 AM

  My uncle was complaining to a co-worker once about how his wife was now wanting $500 a week to "do as she wishes with" (mostly for embellishing grand kids (they were both in their late 50's))

  He was already giving her a couple of hundred a week. His co-worker only responded "divorce would cost much more than that"

  There are still "happily" married to this day (15 years later).

• by jnbiche on 4/8/20, 4:16 AM

  Is your wife helping to care for elderly parents, or is she immune suppressed, or with other chronic illnesses?

  Are you in a hotspot?

  These factors are pretty significant.

  All in all, probably not unreasonable, or even quite reasonable, depending on those factors.

• by hitsurume on 4/8/20, 5:30 AM

  This is a tough call, and I agree with others that it depends if you guys are at risk, or around people that could be at-risk, ie living your your parents / grand parents. BUT, how I would approach this is that if I hated doing those things, which I personally wouldn't do 3-6, and would just do gloves / mask, then wash hands, and if that doesn't work for the wife, I would tell them to go buy the groceries as a compromise since it bothers them more then me.

• by davidajackson on 4/8/20, 2:45 PM

  I don't blame anyone who takes things that seriously. A distant relative of mine recently had covid and said it was miserable, and he's in his 20s and healthy.

• by mmariani on 4/8/20, 6:38 AM

  Would she do it too if she had to do the shopping on her own once a week? If so, do it or your marriage will suffer. If she can’t reason you have deeper problems than being caught naked by a neighbor.

• by uptownhr on 4/8/20, 6:00 AM

  Hi everyone, we aren't living with anyone else but have a kid that is taken care of by our parents. So to an extent, we are connected to hi-risk individuals.

• by quickthrower2 on 4/8/20, 11:21 AM

  The trick is to time this with when you normally take a shower and run the washing machine. Then apart from the shoe cleaning it’s not much extra bother.

• by auslegung on 4/8/20, 3:39 AM

  I think anything is unreasonable if it isn’t based on what we know or reasonably suspect today. Mark and gloves are fine but there are huge caveats. 3-6 aren’t based on what we know or reasonably expect today so I think they are unreasonable. Replace 3-6 with “wash hands and any grocery containers”.

• by downshun on 4/8/20, 2:44 AM

  1. Not unreasonable. But it minimizes the risk of you spreading the disease much more than you getting it. Infection can also occur through eyes. Some places have fines for not doing so already... Check your local authorities and infection levels.

  2. Not unreasonable, can indeed hurt:

  Gloves and masks can also carry the virus onto other surfaces if not used or disposed of carefully.

  3. Can't hurt. Possibly too much. I havent seen a study of virus spread on non-porous surfaces.

  The virus seems to survive around three days in plastic, for example. Some are considering careful introduction of groceries to the house.

  4. Cant hurt, but soap is likely better than alcohol.

  5. Cant hurt.

  6. ?

  EDIT: it is okay to be careful, but also keep in mind people are overreacting

  For instance, people are refraining from donating blood, at a time when it is needed. https://www.npr.org/local/305/2020/03/23/820089376/it-s-safe...

• by blah192 on 4/8/20, 3:26 AM

  where: adverb 1) in or at what place? 2) in what position or circumstances?; conjunction 3) in or at what place, part, point, etc.: 4) in or at the place, part, point, etc., in or at which:; pronoun 5) what place?: 6) the place in which; point at which:

  wear: verb 1) to carry or have on the body or about the person as a covering, equipment, ornament, or the like: 2) to have or use on the person habitually: 3) to undergo gradual impairment, diminution, reduction, etc., from wear, use, attrition, or other causes (often followed by away, down, out, or off) 4) to retain shape, color, usefulness, value, etc., under wear, use, or any continued strain:; noun 5) the act of wearing; use, as of a garment: 6) the state of being worn, as on the person.

• by Gibbon1 on 4/8/20, 6:10 AM

  I keep coming back to Orwell's short story 'Shooting the Elephant'. tl;dr: The protagonist, a colonial officer during the Raj, against his own judgement shoots an elephant because the townspeople expect of him.

  That is, just do it. It'll mean nothing in a year that you did. And it's not worth fighting over now.

• by runawaybottle on 4/8/20, 3:04 PM

  It’s mostly unreasonable. I’ve been told to keep my shoes outside, etc.

  I have family members that literally act like they travelled to Chernobyl after having returned from the grocery store. There are limits to all of this. You can wash your hands, that’s about it. Maybe change clothes. Take part in the collective social distancing. But we’re not going to act like idiots, and there’s no need spread irrational hysteria between each other.

  Your garage is not some bio hazard laboratory. That virus will spread to you in the most benign way possible in a few weeks when we all return to work.

• by dylz on 4/8/20, 3:37 AM

  This is entirely reasonable. You should not wear "outside clothes" in as much as possible.

• by foobarbazetc on 4/8/20, 3:21 AM

  No, it’s not.

• by JamesBarney on 4/8/20, 6:02 PM

  All but 1 and 2 are unreasonable unless you guys are at high risk in which case you should get a friend or family member to deliver you groceries.

  The vast majority of transmissions are person -> person. Very little of the transmission is person -> object -> person.

• by saluki on 4/8/20, 12:26 PM

  This is normal for me too.

  I do whatever gives my wife peace of mind during this stressful time.

  These steps are probably a good idea though to protect your family and minimize a chance of infection during/near the peak.

  We are also trying to order everything for delivery to minimize trips out. But I still follow all your steps even when picking up a grocery delivery outside.

  1. A mask is a good idea. I think covid spreads more through the air than surface to surface. https://www.ky3.com/content/news/Dozens-of-choir-members-sic...

  2. Gloves I wear them, then wipe them down with a clorox wipe when I get back to the car. Some say gloves can collect the virus and spread it more, but if you wash your gloved hands or wipe them down I don't think it's going to increase the spread.

  3. I strip down in the garage too, have a bin for outside clothes or they go straight in the washer.

  4. outside shoes 'crocs' stay in the garage and are washed down outside later when I'm outside.

  5. I wash hands twice, then take a shower.

  6. fresh clothes

  We're also wiping down/sanitizing items that are delivered or picked up, non-perishible items we will even put in bins and let them sit for 5-7 days, then wipe them down before they are brought in.

  I would say caution and being overly cautious is ok right now.

  They are still figuring out how this spreads. I'm leaning toward it's more airborne spread than they know or are letting on.

  Granted most people will have minor symptoms but if you're a family of 4 the odds go up that someone might have a more serious bout of it.

  And since it sounds like you have grandparents in the house I would do all these steps for them.

  So this isn't unreasonable.

  It's a pandemic out there, lots of unknown variables and people are dying and being hospitalized for weeks. You don't want to play it loose and end up in the hospital during the peak.

  We all will most likely be exposed at some point, but stay safe and give them time to develop treatments, learn more about it, and eventually a vaccine.

  So happily take some extra steps to prevent the spread, keep your family safe and your wife happy.