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Ask HN: How to Be Smarter (In Conversation)

by monkey26 on 7/8/19, 5:14 PM with 2 comments

In social situations, as soon as we deviate from the tech I get lost, and often start to feel dumb. After 20 years of being a developer, my role has evolved to a point where I often have to talk to people who aren't as into the tech I am, and more about the business. And this often means dinners and such were other topics always come up.

This is very hard to describe, but I can't be the only geek faced with this. Any pointers to being more grown up in adult conversions given I'm already grown up (pro developer for 20 years, you do the math).

Thanks!

by mooreds on 7/9/19, 1:44 PM
People love to talk about themselve and what they are doing. Ask questions about people and be genuinely interested in the answers. Remember what you learn.
Remember that software isn't the only "technology" (in the original sense of the word). Every discipline has its technologies (farming implements, business accounting practices). It can be fun to learn about those.
Also, if you've been developing for 20 years you probably are a systems thinker. Seeing similarities in business and technical systems (and comparing and contrasting them) is pretty interesting and can lead to some good discussions.
by byandyphillips on 7/8/19, 5:21 PM
Oh wow this sounds like me — here's what I do and my 2 cents:
PLAN 1) Before the event, think of interesting questions and topics you can talk about
2) Remember as much as you can to let the person know you were listening and engaged
DURING 1) Listen more than you talk - ask the other person about their interests and hobbies (bonus if it's interesting to you too)
2) Don't try to be someone you're not - being your authentic / weird / quirky / self is better than trying to act like someone you're not
3) Admit that you're an introvert (assuming you are like me) - then people will be more accepting if you're more quiet than everyone else.
Good luck!